Friday, December 29, 2006

Okay, ba-bye! *waves*

Saddam Hussein Executed for War Crimes

35 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Saddam Hussein, the shotgun-waving dictator who ruled Iraq with a remorseless brutality for a quarter-century and was driven from power by a U.S.-led war that left his country in shambles, was taken to the gallows and executed Saturday.

It was a grim end for the 69-year-old leader who had vexed three U.S. presidents. Despite his ouster, Washington, its allies and the new Iraqi leaders remain mired in a fight to quell a stubborn insurgency by Saddam loyalists and a vicious sectarian conflict.

President Bush called Saddam's execution "the kind of justice he denied the victims of his brutal regime."

State-run Iraqiya television news reported that Saddam's half-brother Barzan Ibrahim and Awad Hamed al-Bandar, the former chief justice of the Revolutionary Court, also were hanged. However, three officials said only Saddam was executed.

"We wanted him to be executed on a special day," National Security adviser Mouwafak al-Rubaie told state-run Iraqiyah.

Al-Rubaie said Saddam "totally surrendered" and did not resist. He said a judge read the sentence to Saddam, who was taken in handcuffs to the execution room. When he stood in the execution room, photographs and video footage were taken, al-Rubaie said.

"He did not ask for anything. He was carrying a Quran and said: 'I want this Quran to be given to this person,' a man he called Bander," he said. Al-Rubaie said he did not know who Bander was.

Mariam al-Rayes, a legal expert and a former member of the Shiite bloc in parliament, told Iraqiya television that the execution "was filmed and God willing it will be shown. There was one camera present, and a doctor was also present there."

Al-Rayes, an ally of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, did not attend the execution. She said Al-Maliki did not attend but was represented by an aide.

The station earlier was airing national songs after the first announcement and had a tag on the screen that read "Saddam's execution marks the end of a dark period of Iraq's history."

The execution was carried out around the start of Eid al-Adha, the Islamic world's largest holiday, which marks the end of the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca, the hajj. Many Muslims celebrate by sacrificing domestic animals, usually sheep.

Sunnis and Shiites throughout the world began observing the four-day holiday at dawn Saturday, but Iraq's Shiite community _ the country's majority _ was due to start celebrating on Sunday.

The execution came 56 days after a court convicted Saddam and sentenced him to death for his role in the killings of 148 Shiite Muslims from a town where assassins tried to kill the dictator in 1982. Iraq's highest court rejected Saddam's appeal Monday and ordered him executed within 30 days.

A U.S. judge on Friday refused to stop Saddam's execution, rejecting a last-minute court challenge.

Al-Maliki had rejected calls that Saddam be spared, telling families of people killed during the dictator's rule that would be an insult to the victims.

"Our respect for human rights requires us to execute him, and there will be no review or delay in carrying out the sentence," al-Maliki's office quoted him as saying during a meeting with relatives before the hanging.

Human Rights Watch criticized the execution, calling Saddam's trial "deeply flawed."

"Saddam Hussein was responsible for massive human rights violations, but that can't justify giving him the death penalty, which is a cruel and inhuman punishment," said Richard Dicker, director of Human Rights Watch's International Justice Program.

The hanging of Saddam, who was ruthless in ordering executions of his opponents, will keep other Iraqis from pursuing justice against the ousted leader.

At his death, he was in the midst of a second trial, charged with genocide and other crimes for a 1987-88 military crackdown that killed an estimated 180,000 Kurds in northern Iraq. Experts said the trial of his co-defendants was likely to continue despite his execution.

Many people in Iraq's Shiite majority were eager to see the execution of a man whose Sunni Arab-dominated regime oppressed them and Kurds.

Before the hanging, a mosque preacher in the Shiite holy city of Najaf on Friday called Saddam's execution "God's gift to Iraqis."

"Oh, God, you know what Saddam has done! He killed millions of Iraqis in prisons, in wars with neighboring countries and he is responsible for mass graves. Oh God, we ask you to take revenge on Saddam," said Sheik Sadralddin al-Qubanji, a member of the Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq.

On Thursday, two half brothers visited Saddam in his cell, a member of the former dictator's defense team, Badee Izzat Aref, told The Associated Press by telephone from the United Arab Emirates. He said the former dictator handed them his personal belongings.

A senior official at the Iraqi defense ministry said Saddam gave his will to one of his half brothers. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the media.

In a farewell message to Iraqis posted Wednesday on the Internet, Saddam said he was giving his life for his country as part of the struggle against the U.S. "Here, I offer my soul to God as a sacrifice, and if he wants, he will send it to heaven with the martyrs," he said.

One of Saddam's lawyers, Issam Ghazzawi, said the letter was written by Saddam on Nov. 5, the day he was convicted by an Iraqi tribunal in the Dujail killings.

The message called on Iraqis to put aside the sectarian hatred that has bloodied their nation for a year and voiced support for the Sunni Arab-dominated insurgency against U.S.-led forces, saying: "Long live jihad and the mujahedeen."

Saddam urged Iraqis to rely on God's help in fighting "against the unjust nations" that ousted his regime.

Najeeb al-Nauimi, a member of Saddam's legal team, said U.S. authorities maintained physical custody of Saddam until the execution to prevent him being humiliated publicly or his corpse being mutilated, as has happened to previous Iraqi leaders deposed by force. He said they didn't want anything to happen to further inflame Sunni Arabs.

"This is the end of an era in Iraq," al-Nauimi said from Doha, Qatar. "The Baath regime ruled for 35 years. Saddam was vice president or president of Iraq during those years. For Iraqis, he will be very well remembered. Like a martyr, he died for the sake of his country."

Iraq's death penalty was suspended by the U.S. military after it toppled Saddam in 2003, but the new Iraqi government reinstated it two years later, saying executions would deter criminals.

Saddam's own regime used executions and extrajudicial killings as a tool of political repression, both to eliminate real or suspected political opponents and to maintain a reign of terror.

In the months after he seized power on July 16, 1979, he had hundreds of members of his own party and army officers slain. In 1996, he ordered the slaying of two sons-in-law who had defected to Jordan but returned to Baghdad after receiving guarantees of safety.

Saddam built Iraq into a one of the Arab world's most modern societies, but then plunged the country into an eight-year war with neighboring Iran that killed hundreds of thousands of people on both sides and wrecked Iraq's economy.

During that war, as part of the wider campaign against Kurds, the Iraqi military used chemical weapons against the Kurdish town of Halabja in northern Iraq, killing an estimated 5,000 civilians.

The economic troubles from the Iran war led Saddam to invade Kuwait in the summer of 1990, seeking to grab its oil wealth, but a U.S.-led coalition inflicted a stinging defeat on the Iraq army and freed the Kuwaitis.

U.N. sanctions imposed over the Kuwait invasion remained in place when Saddam failed to cooperate fully in international efforts to ensure his programs for creating weapons of mass destruction had been dismantled. Iraqis, once among the region's most prosperous, were impoverished.

The final blow came when U.S.-led troops invaded in March 2003. Saddam's regime fell quickly, but political, sectarian and criminal violence have created chaos that has undermined efforts to rebuild Iraq's ruined economy.

While he wielded a heavy hand to maintain control, Saddam also sought to win public support with a personality cult that pervaded Iraqi society. Thousands of portraits, posters, statues and murals were erected in his honor all over Iraq. His face could be seen on the sides of office buildings, schools, airports and shops and on Iraq's currency.

CD Mix #24

I've been getting into a lot of different stuff. For some reason I've been in a mellowish groove as of late. I've been revisiting my early days of musical wonder (early 90's radio). There really is a lot of great stuff out there to just chill to.

Now, aside from this latest mix in my random song compilation series, I have also begun a preliminary screening process for a couple of other mixes in the works. Among them: my "Classic Rock Mix" of my favorite old-school songs that rock just a little bit harder than typical classic rock..... my "Rad 80's Mix", full of all those personally nostalgic tunes that are undeniably "so 80's"..... and my "Down By The Fire Mix", which in a sense seems a little bit misleading, considering it's actually my homage to the most heartwrenching songs in my past. Still, they're the kind to have in the background when there's lots of sexing going on in the room. So look for those down the road. Or don't. I don't care. Until then, here's Mix #24:

  • "Fortress" - Pinback
  • "Loose Rap" - Aaliyah & Static
  • "Human" - Anggun
  • "Close To Heaven" - Color Me Badd
  • "Shanti/Ashtangi" - Madonna
  • "Flawless" - George Michael
  • "Angajou (The Latin Project Remix)" - Bebel Gilberto
  • "Never Forget You" - Mariah Carey
  • "Return To Innocence" - Enigma
  • "Freeek!" - George Michael
  • "What Else Is There?" - Royksopp
  • "In Your Mind" - Anggun
  • "Penelope" - Pinback
  • "Choose" - Color Me Badd
  • "Black And White Town" - Doves
  • "[untitled]" - Aaliyah (*the bonus track from her 2001 self-titled release)
  • "Safe And Sound" - Sheryl Crow

Monday, December 25, 2006

Wonderful Christmas Time

At six o'clock this evening, I got back into town from my weekend in Spokane. I had a good flight aside from the fact that it ran an hour-and-a-half late. Oh well, at least I'm still alive and everything. So here's a recap of my Christmas '06...

On Friday, I flew out of Seattle after work about 9:30PM. My parents were there to greet me (and to pick me up) in Spokane. The next morning we drove down to Worley, Idaho, and spent about four hours at the Coeur D' Alene Casino. Amazingly, I had never been in there before even though I had driven past it thousands of times. I did alright. Played many really fun games I've never seen before and walked out with almost as much money as I went in with. Basically, free entertainment. I just love the casino atmosphere for some reason. It's almost as if part of me belongs there.

Anyway, on Christmas Eve my mom made a nice dinner with ham and potatoes and salad and rolls and pie and pretty much everything else. It was great, and nice to have a home-cooked meal for a change. Afterwards we watched Christmas Vacation, as we do every year on Christmas Eve. It's sort of a tradition. After that, presents. (We always open our presents on Christmas Eve. It's so much better that way.) Here's what I got this year:

  • From my dad - A brand new top-of-the-line microphone for our "studio", which we affectionately call 'Shabby Road Studios'. (It's also known more simply as "Jerry's basement".) This past year or so I've broken out of my proverbial shell a bit and started singing in front of people. This new mic will make me sound better, and we're getting a pretty nice setup now with some great equipment. My dad also got me a hard case for the mic to protect it when traveling, and a mic boom stand (sharing the gift credit with my mom for that). Basically, the boom stand lets my mic come down from above my head while I'm drumming, giving me much more room to drum like a crazy person. That'll be nice.
  • From my mom - Paul McCartney's 2005 album, Chaos And Creation In The Backyard. I've been meaning to get this album for over a year now but still hadn't for one reason or another. It has some amazing tracks on it, a few of which he performed when we saw him last year. Unfortunately, I haven't had a chance to listen to the album in its entirety yet, but I'm hoping I'll find the time tomorrow night... My mom also got me five scratch tickets (I won $8 on them), a couple of 85 minute phone cards and a $25 gift card for Applebee's (which I live right next to and get food at occasionally). I should mention that my parents not only sprung for my flight over to Spokane and back, but also gave me $75 to gamble with at the casino. I have great parents! :D
  • From Dian - I mentioned her gifts before, but figure I should include them in this list again anyway. She bought me three DVDs: Field Of Dreams, Airplane II: The Sequel & TMNT Vol. 5 (of the original series). All three had been on my personal list to pick up right away.
  • From Jennifer - Jen bought me a couple DVDs as well: Clerks II (which I've been really wanting to see), and Office Space: Special Edition With Flair. When this edition came out, I gave my copy of the film to my parents because I knew I'd get this other one eventually. Also, my dad considers it to be one of his favorite movies, so it only made sense.
  • Finally, my grandparents gave me some chocolates. I don't generally eat much chocolate so when I do it's a real treat.

We all usually tend to spend much more on each other, but it was nice to tone it down a bit this year... especially with a few recent money issues still nagging me. But I hope to get a better jump on it next year. I should have plenty more to spend on people by then...

All in all, I had a really nice Christmas! And I'm really looking forward to moving into 2007 with some new undertakings and projects in mind. More on that later...

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Tangled In The Power Lines

I'm not sure what about it bothers me so much. Every single time I've ever heard people having sex in the next room over, it has clobbered me with a shock wave of depression. It's not the act itself; the closeness; the intimacy that makes me uncomfortable. (In fact, I find that rather intriguing from voyeuristic and curious points of view.) No, it's the inevitable comparison of my own life to theirs that always drags me down. And all I can ever think is, "Why can't that be me?". Every scenario I've yet to experience for myself quickly comes to taunt me. They point and laugh as if to say, "You don't belong here, silly boy. Go back home and play with your toys."

But why can't it be me? I've been the "good person" my whole life. I've played the part of decency and generousness. Of class and honesty. I've been the nice guy. The dependable guy. Responsible guy. The stable one. I've been them all... So I ask you once more, why can't it be me? What did I do wrong? I don't mean to imply that goodwill should automatically result in universal reward, but it would sure be nice on occasion. Is it accurate that no good deed goes unpunished in this world? In my eyes, it seems to be true.

There was a time, not long ago, when my sexual appetite was on the verge of flatlining. You might expect the thoughts of a sixteen year old boy to marinate in sexuality... I wasn't him. Instead, I was the boy who had convinced himself that the world of sex was one he could never visit. It was not for him, and the sooner he accept that the easier it would be for him in the end. Class after class, sitting at my desk letting the waves of musical history wash through me. Just me and my headphones. We've been through a lot together...

After years of depression, heartache and hopelessness, I started to notice a change in myself. I was less worried about what others thought of me. I had shed the weight of emotion and the baggage that generally comes along with it. I had accepted my place in life as the android. The made-up person who no longer had the ability to love, or to hate. To feel joy or sorrow. To care or to matter at all in the bigger scope of things. I just was. That's it. And it made me realize that my own struggle with life should not interfere with the ability of others to enjoy theirs. So why not try to at least help someone else make it through a little easier? I suppose it was this kind of thinking that secured my role as one who feels the responsibilities of his entire world resting on his own two shoulders. Sometimes it's just too heavy.

Still, there are many moments when I am crying on the inside because part of me does want to experience these things. My hunger is much deeper now, and much more primal. But no one ever knows about this because I never let it show on the surface.

I have many hidden layers.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

101 Things I like About Whores

  1. Whores are up-front about what they really want.
  2. Whores aren't above pleasing their partners.
  3. Whores don't live in denial and are true to themselves.
  4. Whores will sleep with you when your wife won't.
  5. Whores will sleep with you when your girlfriend won't.
  6. Whores will sleep with your girlfriend and/or wife and let you take pictures.
  7. Whores care about homeless children and often knit them sweaters for the Holidays.
  8. Whores are part of a nutritional, balanced breakfast.
  9. Whores will keep you warm when it gets really cold outside.
  10. Whores make really good proctologists.
  11. Whores will buy you lots of drinks at the bar.
  12. Whores are willing to experiment in bed.
  13. Whores are very bendy.
  14. Whores like to dress up like librarians and "punish" you for having overdue books.
  15. Whores are more responsible when it comes to birth control.
  16. Whores like to go to concerts.
  17. Whores are good at getting backstage passes.
  18. Whores aren't picky about details and are up for just about anything... anywhere.
  19. Whores like to go to the gym.
  20. Whores are really good at algebra.
  21. Whores repair the ozone by unleashing their whoreness up into the air.
  22. Whores like to dry-hump each other when they dance.
  23. Whores appreciate the art of guitar playing.
  24. Whores can read good.
  25. Whores get intimidated by Tori Spelling's lazy eye.
  26. Whores like to watch porn.
  27. Whores will comment on how "hot" some other chick is.
  28. Whores like to fornicate almost as much as I do.
  29. Whores appreciate great screenwriting.
  30. Whores know how to remove stains from any surface.
  31. Whores usually have whorish sisters because their mother was a whore too.
  32. Whores are creeped out by the Quaker Oats guy.
  33. Whores don't mind accepting candy from strangers.
  34. Whores know all the best yoga positions.
  35. Whores like to watch South Park and laugh a lot.
  36. Whores don't drink Diet Black Cherry Shasta.
  37. Whores like to take bubble baths.
  38. Whores like to go to Las Vegas.
  39. Whores know how to put on condoms.
  40. Whores have the ability to end world hunger.
  41. Whores like to eat red licorice.
  42. Whores can get you a really good deal on a new TV.
  43. Whores can get you out of speeding tickets.
  44. Whores know where to get all the really good drugs.
  45. Whores never get bored when the power goes out.
  46. Whores can find many different uses for strawberries and whipped cream.
  47. Whores are really good poets.
  48. Whores pay their taxes.
  49. Whores save whales.
  50. Whores will give you lots of massages.
  51. Whores have call-waiting.
  52. Whores will skip church to meet you at the bar.
  53. Whores are our childrens' future.
  54. Whores make really good cheerleaders.
  55. Whores are the best kind of nurses to have when you're hospitalized.
  56. Whores make the world go 'round.
  57. Whores laugh whenever someone says "Balzac".
  58. Whores don't like olives.
  59. Whores enjoy relaxing in hot tubs.
  60. Whores don't bother nagging too much.
  61. Whores like to make out at parties.
  62. Whores are easy to spot at the mall.
  63. Whores like giant beanbag chairs.
  64. Whores like to travel.
  65. Whores are unlikely to win any arguments I might have with them.
  66. Whores don't worry about things like retirement or Thursday.
  67. Whores like the movie Se7en. Even if only because Brad Pitt is in it.
  68. Whores appreciate black lights.
  69. Whores aren't afraid of being themselves.
  70. Whores will pick you up from the bar when you get too drunk to drive.
  71. Whores like to order pizza online.
  72. Whores like to wear lots of eye liner.
  73. Whores will grab my shit whenever they feel like it.
  74. Whores usually wear tight clothing.
  75. Whores go to the clinic often and get tested for Syphilis.
  76. Whores think that Sean Connery was the best James Bond.
  77. Whores aren't afraid to look at and buy condoms at the grocery store.
  78. Whores get plenty of protein.
  79. Whores like to be spanked.
  80. Whores get turned on when riding a bicycle.
  81. Whores like to visit the ocean.
  82. Whores buy cigarettes with their own money.
  83. Whores like the movie Tomcats.
  84. Whores don't give a shit about curtains.
  85. Whores will go with you to the ballgame.
  86. Whores don't really mind when you vomit nachos all over the bathtub.
  87. Whores still watch cartoons.
  88. Whores don't see the big deal with people being gay or straight.
  89. Whores can find multiple uses for the gearshift in your car.
  90. Whores make every day that much more interesting.
  91. Whores like to wear hats.
  92. Whores never cheat on their bowling scores.
  93. Whores like techno.
  94. Whores don't understand why the Pillsbury Doughboy always laughs when people poke his stomach.
  95. Whores like to take shots of Jagermeister.
  96. Whores liked Dudley Moore and referred to him as "that goofy little british guy".
  97. Whores like water slides.
  98. Whores will watch old 'Wham!' videos with you and giggle.
  99. Whores never club baby seals.
  100. Whores like to go to Taco Bell.
  101. I can relate to whores.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

We Lived Our Lives Like Candles That Got Crushed By Trees

Well, I finally just got my power back in Covington here. There doesn't seem to be too much physical damage in my area from the winds, but The power had been out since 11pm Thursday night. The worst part now is that people are still fighting over gas stations and traffic lights (the majority of which still lack power). People are going crazy. ... Okay, let me rephrase that. This blackout is making people even crazier...


Thousands in Dark After Northwest Storm
By GENE JOHNSON, Associated Press Writer
2 hours ago

SEATTLE - Residents of the Pacific Northwest struggled to stay warm Saturday after the worst windstorm in more than a decade knocked out power to more than 1.5 million homes and businesses and killed at least six people.

Nearly 700,000 customers in Washington and Oregon still had no power Saturday, and utilities said some might have to wait into next week for their lights to go back on.

Washington Gov. Chris Gregoire declared a state of emergency, and with temperatures expected to drop over the weekend, officials warned people not to use outdoor grills, propane heaters or other carbon monoxide-producing equipment indoors.

Firefighters in Kent found 33 people from four families suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning Friday night, fire Capt. Kyle Ohashi said. They had taken their barbecues inside to cook or heat their apartments as temperatures dipped into the 30s.

All were expected to survive after treatment, Ohashi said.

In Oregon, a family of six was sickened by carbon monoxide from a generator set up in a garage in Gresham, police said. Three children were hospitalized in critical condition late Friday, while one child and both parents were listed in good condition.

Wind gusted to a record 69 mph early Friday at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, breaking the old mark of 65 mph set in 1993. Wind was clocked at 113 mph near Mount Rainier.

Power was knocked out at one of the airport's concourses, canceling dozens of flights. Flights were also canceled at Portland International Airport in Oregon, and Amtrak canceled service between Seattle and Portland because downed trees and mudslides blocked the tracks.

Two people were killed in Washington in traffic accidents involving windblown trees, while one died after getting trapped in her flooded basement. A fourth person was killed in his sleep by a tree that fell on his home. On the Oregon coast, an elderly couple died in a fire caused by candles they were using for light.

Puget Sound Energy, Washington's largest private utility, had restored power to about 200,000 customers overnight but 500,000 were still without power Saturday, company spokeswoman Dorothy Bracken said.

It would be "several days _ definitely through the weekend," before everyone was restored, PSE spokeswoman Martha Monfried said. The utility had lost more than half of its transmission system, and crews struggled in the mountains to reach downed lines that carry the electricity from Columbia River dams.

More than 60,500 customers of Seattle City Light remained without power Saturday, down from a peak of 175,000, and 15,000 were still blacked out in the Snohomish County Public Utility District north of Seattle.

In Oregon, Portland General Electric said it had about 82,000 customers without power Saturday morning, and Pacific Power said about 32,500 of its customers still had no service.

The storm was the most intense to hit the region since the Inauguration Day storm of Jan. 20, 1993, which killed five people and caused about $130 million in damage, said Clifford F. Mass, a University of Washington atmospheric sciences professor.

Monday, December 11, 2006

I Think, Therefore I Am Hesitant

Four days ago, I wrote a little piece called "The Solution". (see the 12/07/06 entry below)

Tonight, I had some chinese food for dinner. And how intriguing it was to find the following inside my fortune cookie:

"You will find your solution where you least expect it."

When odd coincidences like this show up in life, I can't help but question everything I know. Much less, everything I don't know. Is this merely the coincidence I currently realize it to be? Or is there somehow more to all of it? Can this possibly be the Universe's way of trying to comfort me, or to send me a message from beyond the stars? I sit and wonder about the endless possibilities and the continuing mystery of thought in general.

Then, I can't help realizing that someone else just thought that sentence up, copied it a million times and stuck them all inside random cookies. And I just happened to receive one of those cookies. Nothing more.


My beloved blessing and curse.

Friday, December 8, 2006

We're Not The Only Ones

imagine there's no heaven
it's easy if you try
no hell below us
above us only sky
imagine all the people
living for today
imagine there's no countries
it isn't hard to do
nothing to kill or die for
and no religion too
imagine all the people
living life in peace
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
i hope someday you'll join us
and the world will live as one
imagine no possessions
i wonder if you can
no need for greed or hunger
a brotherhood of man
imagine all the people
sharing all the world
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
i hope someday you'll join us
and the world will live as one

---"Imagine" by John Lennon

I posted these lyrics two years ago on this date and have since decided to make it an annual effort. Not only because I hold these lyrics extremely close to me, but at the very least I owe that much to John's memory.

It's been twenty-six years now (to the day) since John was shot four times in the back on the sidewalk of his own home. When he died at the hospital two hours later, we all lost something very special.

Imagine if he were still with us...

We will always miss you, John!

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Christmas Time Is Here Again

I'm happy to see the Holiday season upon us once more. Finally, in this difficult year, things are starting to look up. I am getting quite excited about pinning a 2007 calendar on my wall, and I will not be missing 2006 one bit. I plan to look forward. "Don't look back, you should never look back."

Since the arrival of December things have become seemingly nicer, and it's really refreshing. The other day I received a box in the mail from Amazon. The box contained three neatly wrapped green packages with fancy little ribbons and personalized messages on each one. Inside those, I found three DVDs that happen to be on my infamous "wish list":
  1. Airplane II: The Sequel - The second installment of the hilarious "Airplane!" series that I love so much and to this point have only had on VHS.
  2. TMNT: Vol. 5 - The most recent volume of old-school Ninja Turtle cartoon action that I've really been wanting to pick up. And last but not least...
  3. Field Of Dreams (Anniversary Edition) - Easily the greatest movie out there that I somehow never managed to own. One of my all-time favorites and a true classic!

I can't wait to watch them all, and they will make lovely additions to my library of yummy goodness. So if you're reading this, Dian.... thank you SO much and you rock hardcore!! I love them! : D

I'm looking forward to see what the next few weeks have in store for me. I will be flying over to Spokane to spend Christmas Eve with my parents (they live there). And hopefully, I'll be able to go out for New Year's Eve this year, unlike the last couple when I ended up feeling like crap for one reason or another. Either way, 2007 is coming. And I plan to make it a very good year...

The Solution

I think about you all the time
I want you so badly I can taste you
When I'm with you I can never get enough
and I only wish the night would never have to end

You and me together
we make the perfect team
and nothing can stop us now
because we were meant for each other

You fill me with confidence
and give me a high unlike I've ever known
you have the key to change me
into the man I've always wanted to be

No need to be afraid any longer
we can always be together
and we will be forever
in one form or another

Many problems plague my past
but none of that matters anymore
I have a chance to be content now
You are my solution

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

The Pen Is Mightier

By the time I was three years old, I could already write. It's fascinating to me that I still enjoy writing to this day. The most beautiful thing about it is the fact that you don't even have to be a good writer to experience the power of it. You don't have to be a grammatical expert, or a comedian, or a philosopher. All you have to be is true to yourself. No censoring. No holding back. Just record your thoughts and never apologize for them. That is true power.

The greatest thoughts that will flow through our heads are quickly lost because our memories fail to grab ahold of them in time. But if one of those thoughts should visit when you happen to have a pen in hand or a keyboard at your fingertips, it can live forever. It can be shared and pondered over, beginning a chain reaction of other interesting thoughts within those who have been enlightened. Thought... How amazing it can be.

Yet somehow, I still try to convince myself that the beauty of this world is dying.

Perhaps the power of thought is even more powerful than I could ever comprehend...

Monday, December 4, 2006

Short Takes

I find that there are times when the line between life and death becomes blurred. Where is this line? How thick is it? ... ... Me? I look at life as being a continuous process. One being's death allows another to thrive. It's all a big trade-off. A universal recycling center.

Am I the only one who finds it odd that most of the nurses around are quite fat? Somehow I get a bit skeptical of a medical organization's authenticity when its nurses, and other staff for that matter, don't seem to even care much about their own health.

I don't live to work. I work to live.

I'm not sure how and I'm not sure why, but recently I've come to realize that I am a big fan of the "Asian Persuasion". I swear that asian women just get more and more attractive as time goes by. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that they tend to actually appreciate and respect their men...

I'm considering a name change to make myself more professional sounding. I might start going by Mr. Jablomi... Heywood Jablomi.

Have you ever spelled your own name wrong? Don't you just feel like the biggest fucking idiot? I do every time.

Someday, I am going to have a movie screen on the wall, easily viewable from my jumbo jacuzzi tub. And it's about that time that life will be really fucking good.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

What I Am

what it seems is that my dream
and life can never be a team

what i plot is what i'm not
and what i need, i haven't got

what i find inside my mind
are painful thoughts of every kind

what i see can never be
my tangible reality

what i hear will not appear
and make me all the while secure

what i drink, i like to think
will spray away my putrid stink

what i smoke, and being broke
won't free me from this awful joke

when i cry i know that i
will not feel joy before i die

what i am is not the man
who lived inside my perfect plan

what i know has yet to show
now i have nowhere else to go

when i'm gone you'll all go on
and ride your sunlight into dawn

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Maddening Shroud

It's kind of funny how I never cease to amaze myself...

Reaching far out for the seemingly unattainable
Underestimating myself time and time again
Never stopping to realize that I am just not right in this place

Depression, frustration, loneliness, repression...
Everything bad that one can expect in life
Everything but the good I still strive for
Pessimism, hopelessness, ignorance and isolation
Enter now through the gates of my existance
Real or fake? True or false? Good or bad?

These lines are blurred many times over
Has the world decided to play a universal prank on me?
Are the steady laughs intentionally dispensed in my direction...
Never allowing me an inside glimpse at the punchline?

You say that Karma is a universal constant
Our little way of justifying the randomness we all unknowingly share
Unforgiving energy from the Heavens, cloaked in benevolence

Keep to the true and sincere path
No cheating allowed; you must not stray
Or you will pay a handsome price
Why must existance be so difficult?

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The Holiday Spirit

Everyone I know loves the holiday spirit. When the annual gift-shopping season rolls around each November, people suddenly become nicer to each other; more appreciative and friendly. They feel more willing to reach out a hand to those in need; more willing to shower those around them with gifts and feasts and love. There is a different air around us in those times. And we all love it.

So I can't help but wonder...

Why don't we all just do that year-round?

Comic Of The Day

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Random Thought Of The Day

Explaining the sensation of achieving that perfect high after a couple drags off the ol' pipe to someone who has never smoked, is much like trying to describe color to a blind person.

Mix CD #23

Yes, yes. Good, good. I realize it's hardly been a week since my last mix. That's just an indication of how much new stuff I've been listening to. Also, I had a few overflow tunes from mix #22, so they're here too...
  • "Punkrocker" - Teddybears & Iggy Pop
  • "Treat Her Like A Lady" - Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose
  • "Light My Fire" - Jose Feliciano
  • "Don't I Hold You" - Wheat
  • "Bag Lady" - Erykah Badu
  • "In High Places" - Mike Oldfield
  • "Don't Know Why" - Norah Jones
  • "Get Down Saturday Night" - Oliver Cheatham
  • "Gentle On My Mind" - Glen Campbell
  • "He Loves U Not" - Dream
  • "Play With Me" - Extreme
  • "Break Of Dawn" - Michael Jackson
  • "Summer Breeze" - Seals & Crofts
  • "The Trumpet Part II" - Lou Bega
  • "Self Control" - Laura Branigan
  • "Now & Forever" - Vanilla Ice
  • "Baby Elephant Walk" - Henry Mancini

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Filmosophy (Vol 4)

Vanilla Sky:

"What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions? ... Money."

The Devil's Advocate:

["What about love?"]
"Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate."

Lost In Space:

"Never love anything kiddo, because you'll just end up losing it."

American History X:

"Hate is baggage. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time."

Almost Famous:

"You have to make your reputation on being honest and unmerciful."

Terminator 2: Judgement Day:

"The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it for the first time with a sense of hope. Because if a machine - a terminator - can learn the value of human life... maybe we can too."

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Mix CD #22

Well it's finally that time again! With all the crap going on lately, not to mention the absence of my computer for two months, it has been some time since I made my last compilation. Since then, I have discovered more great stuff from many different genres. In this time, I have also created a new goal for myself. I am going to read my Rolling Stone Encyclopedia Of Rock & Roll. Front to back. It was given to me a couple months or so ago by a friend down at my favorite bar. (He bought a newer version recently and gave this one to me.) Very cool guy!

So yes, I will read this entire bastard now, 'A' to 'Z'. It just may take me awhile... And I completely look forward to discovering many more obscure artists within it's pages (All 1100-plus of them). So far, I have only made it to the Bell Biv DeVoe entry. So much to read, so much to learn. It's going to be a very interesting journey!

In the meantime, I will be enjoying my new mix. It goes a little something like this:

  • "Real Gone" - Sheryl Crow
  • "Too Hot" - Coolio
  • "Rock With You" - Michael Jackson
  • "Hoes In My Room" - Ludacris & Snoop Dogg
  • "Carolina In My Mind" - James Taylor
  • "Break My Stride" - Matthew Wilder
  • "Just One Of Those Things (Brazilian Girls Remix)" - Blossom Dearie
  • "The Hustle" - Van McCoy
  • "In The Morning" - Kelis
  • "Stormy" - The Classics IV
  • "September" - Earth, Wind & Fire
  • "Sexuality" - K.D. Lang
  • "I Heard A Rumor" - Bananarama
  • "Video" - India Arie
  • "Part Time Lover" - Stevie Wonder
  • "Here We Go (Again)" - Portrait
  • "Everything You Want" - Vertical Horizon
  • "Give It To You" - Jordan Knight
  • "Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)" - Marvin Gaye

Friday, November 3, 2006

Yeah, man!

As you may know, I've been watching a lot of "LOST" lately. I love that show! It is freakylicious. Absolutely freakylicious.

Those "cheesy gordita crunch"s from Taco Bell... those are slurpin' freakylicious! Two of them fill me up and they're only like a dollar and some shit each. Yummy.

The Beatles. They were freakylicious in their day too. And I don't care what any of you fuckers say, I think Ringo is cool as hell.

The sitcom "Wings". Freakylicious.

Daft Punk. Freakylicious.

Kelis. Her shit is quite freakylicious.

And 'The Fifth Element'. I still can't get over the amount of freakylicism in that damn film. It kicks ass!

Christmas is coming up, I'm so excited. 'Tis the season to be full of freakyliciousity. Buy lots of presents for your loved ones right now! If you don't, Santa will bring you a bag of poop this holiday season because you're such a fucker.

The Ninja Turtles. They are highly freakylicious. And it's kinda funny that I never realized how hot April actually was. I mean, I grew up with that freakin' cartoon!

Video games, oh yeah. Totally freakylicious. Especially the old school stuff.

Las Vegas. Always freakylicious!

Computers that work. Freakylicious.

Getting paid. Freakylicious.

Jack & Cokes. Freakylicious.

Rush Limbaugh. .... .... ... Dude, that guy's a fucking douche.

But chinese food... Chinese food is pretty damn freakylicious!

And so is Esthero! (Look her up if you have to)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I've Got Mail!

My package just arrived today from Amazon. By the shape of the box alone, anyone can see it contains a few DVDs. Upon looking through the standard hole in the side of the box, I see the official Amazon receipt - clearly visible to all who see the box - folded neatly in just the right places to show the contents of my package as "Men In Tights --- DVD".


That's nice...

Oh well, at least I finally have one of my favorite comedies, ROBIN HOOD: Men In Tights on DVD now! Plus, I also got the third season of my favorite sitcom, Wings, and my man Al's new album, 'Straight Outta Lynwood'.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006


In case I have never mentioned this before, I have always had a tremendous amount of respect for Michael J. Fox. From 'Family Ties' to 'Back To The Future' to 'Spin City'... he has always seemed to be a great guy. I completely feel for his current struggle with PD, and wish nothing but the best for him and his determination to find a cure.

We're right there with you, Michael!

Check out Michael's site

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Thoughts To Think About # 1

A new blog series for you all to enjoy. Introducing: "Thoughts To Think About". A brief but ongoing collection of statements I wholeheartedly believe to be true. These thoughts marinate deep in my head...

Today's entry:

No problem will ever be solved through ignorance.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Today's Fortune

"You will reach high levels of intelligence."

I really like that one. Plus, chinese food is just fucking good.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My Own Private Gutter

And so I'm at work today looking over a medical report to scan into our system, and the following dictation catches my eye: "... submandibular gland with pussy drainage". My first reaction was, "...... Damn! Here's a doctor who doesn't care about being politically correct... And how is that even relevant to the jaw anyway?!"

But then it suddenly dawned on me that in this case, "pussy" was actually referring to something being full of pus.

The moral here: I suppose it's true what my friends often say... my mind is always in the gutter.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Mayer & Crow

The 09/23/06 concert was amazing! The opening band, Marjorie Fair, had an interesting sound... reminiscent of Radiohead and Coldplay. Unfortunately, I was not at all familiar with them, so I couldn't tell you anything about the stuff they played. Besides, I have to admit I spent their whole set looking forward to John Mayer's stage entrance.

Enter John. Although it was a bit odd seeing him sacfrifice his headline for someone else and go for a slightly shorter set list, he was still his usual entertaining self. The only complaint I had was that the bass seemed to get lost somewhere in the mix. This was especially unfortunate due to the fact that much of his newer material has some killer bass hooks. But still, I fully enjoyed seeing John live for the fifth time.

John's set list:

  • Belief
  • [jam]
  • Vultures
  • Good Love Is On The Way
  • Gravity
  • Why Georgia
  • Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
  • Bigger Than My Body
  • I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)
  • Daughters
  • [encore]
  • Waiting On The World To Change
  • No Such Thing


Although I've been a longtime fan of Sheryl Crow's, I still had yet to see her perform live. So there was no doubt I would also enjoy her set... And I very very did! She played a lot of her great stuff, as well as some newer songs I hadn't heard yet but forced myself to remember so I could download the tracks online. I recommend seeing her if you ever get the chance. She puts on a great show!

All in all, it was a great night! One more fantastic concert to chalk up in my memory bank. The funny thing is, I have gone alone to three of my last four concerts. Perhaps soon I'll find some people who care to join me in my ongoing quest for more concert experience...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Guess Who's Back...... Back Again

Alright all you crazy sons-a-bitches out there... (you know I dig you). I am finally back from the cyber-dead and ready to celebrate the overdue release of Ryan v2.0.

In these past two months, without my social aorta, life has been quite the carnival ride. Many ups and downs. Twisted perspectives, jerky stops and flip-arounds. The company of unfamiliar people. The loss of familiar ones. Music continuously pumping somewhere in the background of life. The temporary loss of control. Random laughter and screaming. A few corndogs and some occassional vomiting.

I think it's about time for me to experience a different ride.

I am 27 now, and I can't help noticing some changes in the way I think. Good changes. I have reached some decisions that for one reason or another had previously eluded me. Some of them have already been put into effect. Others will merge themselves into reality very soon. I am being vague about this, I know. But for those of you who may be curious to know the specifics, there will be plenty of time for me to explain later... just be patient. All I will say at this point is that for the first time, I feel in control. I know what needs to be done, and how to do it. Perhaps motivation has finally found its path to me. My dark clouds are finally beginning to dissipate.

Tomorrow's forecast: Warm and bright, with a 90% chance of clarity.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

People Of The World

Dear People of the World,

I like you all, but you sure piss me off a lot. First of all, just so you know, the word "escape" does not have an 'x' in it. Quit saying "ex-cape", that sounds incredibly stupid. Also, "nucular" is not a word. And will you please stop torturing and needlessly killing animals? They are our neighbors. We need them. You need to flip the channel from MTV to MSNBC every now and then. You need to express yourself much more often, but in a constructive manner. Please realize, wearing excessive amounts of jewelry does not make you look cool. It makes you look pathetic and desperate for attention. And yes, your shit does in fact stink.

To my religious friends out there, you are not better than anyone else. Your god, or gods, or whatever else, is/are no better than the other deities out there. No matter your belief, you are no more or less right about the nature of our existance. Truth is not tangible. It is merely an idea. A collective perception. And the only real truth is that we don't know. We all need to stop acting like we do. Let's postpone this arrogant dick-war until we actually understand more about it. I have had enough of it! We need to concentrate on more important things right now, like learning how to coexist on a peaceful level.

To my fellow Americans... We are not superior to the rest of the world. We have our own disgusting issues. The idea of what our country should - and was meant to - stand for is extraordinary. However, what it currently stands for is mostly shit. I am not seeing the greatness we too often presume to show. We need to speak out more. Our voices are not heard because we choose to remain silent and take it in the ass. We need to stand up for our beliefs and quit playing the part of victims just because it's easier. Inform yourselves. Go out and vote. Break up the wretched two-party regime. Get off your lazy, fat asses and do something productive for a change! Give a shit for once in your lives. Learn about yourself. Aspire to improve.

Help us all make the world a better place. While it may be true that ignorance is bliss... it is also true that knowledge is power. I only hope you prefer the latter.


Saturday, August 19, 2006

Short Takes (Part A Lot)

  • Last Friday, I got paid. I also finally got to pick my car up from the shop. $297. Everthing is fixed now, except for the fuel sensor. It's not working for some odd reason. So I had them order a new one and I'll take it back in a week or so. For now, I will take it in next weekend for an oil change and ease it through a carwash one of these days. Car issues are becoming bearable... The bank account, well that's another story. Other bills paid off on Friday... $350.
  • The next day -Saturday - I drove across the state to Tri-Cities... more specifically, Pasco. A good friend of mine (Rob) whom I hardly ever get to see had a surprise birthday party planned. So his wife Adriana had invited me long ago and I was happy to go. It was great so see them again, and the party went very well. Rob's other friends, Brian & Kristi, also came down from Coeur D' Alene (Idaho) for the party. Saturday night, we had a drinking party which was fun as hell and very refreshing for me. Sometimes I forget how fun it can be to have friends I can physically hang out with. And when I get that chance, I sure as hell enjoy every single minute of it. (Many pictures were taken, and many drinks were downed, so there will no doubt be some interesting pics headed my way soon. For any of you who are curious enough, I'll have to share some of them.)
  • Monday - My dad took me downtown to the Moore Theater to see Toad The Wet Sprocket! I swear, I have the best dad ever. We both think they are a great band, and they were. Two words quickly come to mind: fucking & amazing. I actually got my dad listening to Toad a few years back, and we've been enjoying more and more of their stuff as time goes by. We have even tried playing a couple of their songs in jams too. He's convinced I sing quite a bit like Glen [Phillips, Toad's lead singer]. I consider that a huge compliment of course. Though, we haven't even really had a chance to record any Toad stuff yet. When we do, I'm sure the first one will either be Something's Always Wrong or Stupid, two of my personal favorites. More on that later... Oh, and for those of you who are still curious, the opening act was a talented guy by the name of Matt Nathanson. He was pretty entertaining, and a hell of a good singer. His voice reminded me of a cross between Glen Phillips and John Rzeznik [of Goo Goo Dolls]. At one point he led a crowd sing-a-long to a cover of Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. Very cool! I have a feeling he's going to make a name for himself down the road...
  • Skip ahead to today... the next Saturday. I have been cleaning my apartment for the past couple days, and moved into the master bedroom. I'm finally all situated now, and I'm enjoying having a bit more room to spread out in. The cleaning and moving is all done now, and that's a good thing, because I'm out of energy and need to relax for awhile. I will be meeting with a potential roommate tomorrow afternoon and will show them the place. If all goes well, they will like the place and decide to move in. If that happens, my life will suddenly get back on track and in a much better place. That's a lot of stress that will lift from my mind. So at this point, I'm trying to remain optimistic about the whole thing. I'll keep you all updated on that.
  • Among everything else on my mind lately, I have also come to a couple other decisions. I have decided to cancel any plans I have been meaning to make for a Vegas trip in the near future. As badly as I probably need a vacation, now is frankly not a good time to have that on my plate. All thoughts and considerations on that are hereby postponed until further notice. However, I am still planning on purchasing that treadmill once I get back on my financially stable feet. Most importantly, I am seriously considering checking into hypnotherapy as soon as my living situation is stable. I have always been interested in hypnosis, and I would love to explore my childhood traumas, or lack thereof, and really get inside my seemingly deep and impenetrable mind. I figure the more I can learn about myself and who I really am, the better. Especially while I have my good medical insurance...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dear World...

Dear World,

You have been beating the shit out of me all year so far. And I find it deeply disturbing how you seem to enjoy kicking me while I'm down on the ground writhing in pain. It is because of this, I offer some advice to you...

Enjoy it. Enjoy every single minute of it. Enjoy it all while you can, because once I am able to get back on my feet and dust myself off, I am going to kick your fucking ass.


Monday, August 14, 2006

Fortune For The Day

So this evening I reheated some leftover chinese food from last night. And upon opening my fortune cookie, I read the following:

"There is a true and sincere friendship between you both."

I read this and couldn't help but snicker to myself. It made me think about my two brain hemispheres and their continuous competition with one another. And the fact that they often make me feel like two different people inside. The only difference here is that I'm not convinced those two people even like each other.

Thursday, August 10, 2006


I think it's very possible I might end up moving.

Then again, I might not.

I think I want to move back home to Moscow.

But I might not.

I might move over to Spokane.

But I might not.

I could easily end up moving to Vegas in the next couple days.

But maybe I won't.

I might find a good potential roommate over here in the Seattle area too.

And I might not.

I might just look for a new place to live.

Or I might not.

I think I'm ready to settle down and live with a woman I care about.

But I might not be ready.

I think I can seduce anyone I want.

I might not be able to.

I think my possibilities are limitless.

But maybe they aren't.

I think I'm on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown.



Yeah, I think I may just have one of those real soon.

Friday, August 4, 2006

Our Beautiful World (Chapter 1)

China Orders Mass Slaughter of Dogs
By CHRISTOPHER BODEEN, Associated Press Writer
Fri Aug 4, 10:08 AM

SHANGHAI, China - For the second time in days, Chinese authorities have ordered a mass slaughter of dogs to curb a rabies outbreak _ drawing criticism from animal lovers but also support from many who say it's the only way to contain a disease that kills more than 2,000 Chinese a year.

Officials in the eastern city of Jining plan to kill all dogs within three miles of areas where rabies has been found, the official Xinhua News Agency said Friday.

The measure came in response to the deaths of 16 people from rabies in Jining in the last eight months, Xinhua said. It didn't say when the slaughter would begin or how the animals would be killed. It said the city had about 500,000 dogs.

Rabies cases are on the rise in China, with 2,651 reported deaths from the disease in 2004, the last year for which data was available. Only 3 percent of the country's dogs are vaccinated against rabies.

Last week, a county in southwestern Yunnan province killed 50,000 dogs, many of them beaten to death in front of their owners, after three people died of rabies.

The slaughters have outraged animal rights groups, who call them cruel and a sign of government incompetence in dealing with rabies, an often fatal disease that attacks the nervous system but which can be warded off with a series of injections.

"I think this is completely insane," said Zhang Luping, founder of the Beijing Human and Animal Environmental Education Center.

"What's more, this really damages our national image and sets a really bad example to show how lazy and inconsiderate those local government officials are," Zhang said.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called such killings a "hideously cruel response," in a statement on its Web site.

After last week's slaughter, the group canceled about $300,000 orders for merchandise made in China and called for a boycott of Chinese-made products to protest what it calls widespread cruelty to animals in the country.

The killings in Yunnan prompted unusually pointed criticism in state media, with many commentators saying it signaled how little capacity the local government had to deal with routine health issues.

Other slaughters have been reported elsewhere in China this year, although the government says it has no standard policy of destroying dogs.

Zhang, the founder of the Beijing education center, said there were no laws under which citizens could stop the killings. However, she said she and other animal protection activists were reaching out through the media to try to change policy.

"I think this brutal and cold-blooded campaign should stop as soon as possible," Zhang said.

People who answered the phone at Jining's city government and the epidemic control center refused to comment or said they weren't authorized to release information to the media.

The World Health Organization has not directly criticized the slaughters, but WHO experts have said they underscore a lack of coordination and other problems within China's health care system.

The killings have also prompted a slew of impassioned postings in online forums.

"Tens of thousands of people die in traffic accidents each year, but we don't ban cars. Dogs are simply easy to persecute," said one unsigned posting on Xinhua's electronic bulletin board.

"People opposed to killing dogs ought to think how they'd feel if they or a relative was infected with rabies. Are people's or dogs' lives more important?" said another, also unsigned.

Thursday, August 3, 2006


I would cry, if only my android brain had the capacity. My life washes over me. It always has. It always will. Wave after wave of frustration pushes me under as I struggle to breathe. Eventually, I am going to drown.

I have always recognized the fact that the problem is in me. Therefore, I am the only one who has the ability to correct it. And I have tried and tried to do just that. But the sea of life knows. It knows what I'm up to and it will never allow that to happen. It will continue to have its way with me until I either give up the fight or am completely drained of the energy to keep myself afloat. Both options result in the same outcome. Somewhere deep down, I refuse to take either of those routes.

I've never felt more alone than I do right now. You might say that I am a castaway of sorts. Yet, I am not surrounded by palm trees and gardens of sand. Instead, I am lost amid a sea of people. People whom I cannot relate to and have nothing in common with. People seemingly alien to me. More simply, I am Waldo. And the only one who can possibly find me...... is me.

So far I have insisted on continuing my search. I search for possibilites. A small plane overhead. Perhaps some material to build a raft. But my scope of vision only reaches out so far. Anything beyond is mere speculation and fantasy.

The outside world hides many beautiful things that I will never see... or hear.... or experience.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Things That Make You Go... WTF?

As I was walking to work today, I saw a man on a bicycle wearing a backpack at an intersection. He appeared to be yelling at someone who wasn't there. To this seemingly imaginary person, he exclaimed:

"... you dick-sucking fucking faggot! ... Mother fucker! ... Get off of me, you dick-sucking fucking faggot!"

Then I noticed him turning to head my way. I immediately decided not to make eye contact with this person, so as he passed, I didn't. But as I continued walking and keeping to myself, I couldn't help but think about his thought-provoking philosophy.

And eventually, I came to the conclusion that yeah... that pretty much sums up the week for me too.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

More Lessons Learned

Jury Finds Yates Not Guilty in Drownings

By ANGELA K. BROWN, Associated Press Writer
Wed Jul 26, 2006

HOUSTON - Andrea Yates was found not guilty by reason of insanity Wednesday in her second murder trial for the bathtub drownings of her young children.

Yates, 42, will now be committed to a state mental hospital, with periodic hearings before a judge to determine whether she should be released. An earlier jury had found her guilty of murder, but the verdict was overturned on appeal.

The defense never disputed that Yates drowned her five children one by one in the bathtub of their Houston-area home. But they said she suffered from severe postpartum psychosis and, in a delusional state, believed Satan was inside her and was trying to save them from hell.

Yates stared wide-eyed in court Wednesday as the verdict was read. She then bowed her head and wept quietly.

The children's father said the jury had reached the right conclusion.

"The jury looked past what happened and looked at why it happened," Rusty Yates told reporters outside the courthouse. "Prosecutors had the truth of the first day and stopped there. Yes, she was psychotic. That's the whole truth."

Rusty Yates divorced Andrea Yates after the children's June 2001 deaths and recently remarried. He said they are still "friends" and reminisce about the children.

The jury, split evenly men to women, deliberated for about 12 hours over three days before reaching its verdict. On Wednesday, the jurors listened again to the state definition of insanity and asked to see pictures of the five young children: baby Mary, 2-year-old Luke, 3-year-old Paul, 5-year-old John and 7-year-old Noah.

Prosecutors had maintained that Yates failed to meet the state's definition of insanity: that a severe mental illness prevents someone who is committing a crime from knowing that it is wrong.

The jury had not been told that if they found her insane that Yates would be committed to a mental institution for treatment. If found guilty of murder she would have faced life in prison.
"I'm very disappointed," prosecutor Kaylynn Williford said. "For five years, we've tried to seek justice for these children."

In her first trial, Yates was convicted of capital murder and sentenced to life in prison. An appeals court overturned the conviction last year because erroneous testimony about a "Law & Order" television episode that didn't exist could have influenced the jury.

Defense attorneys presented much of the same evidence as in the first trial, including half a dozen psychiatrists who testified that Yates was so psychotic that she didn't know her actions were wrong. They said that in her delusional mind, she thought killing the youngsters was right.

Some testified about her two hospitalizations after suicide attempts in 1999, not long after her fourth child was born. At the time, the family lived in a converted bus. Dr. Eileen Starbranch, a psychiatrist, again testified about how she warned Yates and her husband not to have more children because her postpartum psychosis would probably return.

Yates' stayed in a mental hospital for about two weeks in April and 10 days in May 2001. Psychiatrists testified that she was catatonic and wouldn't eat and that her postpartum condition from Mary's birth in November worsened after her father died in March.

Yates did not testify. But a few state and defense psychiatrists who evaluated Yates played some videotaped segments for jurors.

During a July 2001 jail interview, Yates told psychiatrist Lucy Puryear that her children had not been progressing normally because she was a bad mother, and that she killed them because "in their innocence, they would go to heaven."

The state's key witness was Dr. Michael Welner, a forensic psychiatrist who interviewed Yates for two days in May. He testified that Yates killed the youngsters because she felt overwhelmed and inadequate as a mother, not for altruistic reasons.

Welner said that although Yates may have been psychotic on the day of the murders, it wasn't until the next day in jail that she talked about Satan, wanting to be executed and saving her kids from hell. He said the hallucination may have been triggered by the stresses of being naked in a cell on suicide watch and realizing what she had done.

Welner said Yates knew her actions were wrong and showed it in multiple ways: waiting until her husband left for work to kill them, covering the bodies with a sheet and calling 911 soon after the crime.

Prosecutors also brought back a key witness from the first trial, Dr. Park Dietz, the forensic psychiatrist whose testimony led to her conviction being overturned. The judge barred attorneys in this trial from mentioning the earlier testimony problem.

Dietz again testified that Yates knew killing her children was wrong because she knew it was a sin.


Lessons Learned:

1. In Texas, Drowning your own five children is understandable if you are a woman... especially if you're also a raving psychotic.

2. If you want your children to go to Heaven, you should drown them in a bathtub as soon as possible so Satan cannot corrupt them when they get older.

3. After multiple suicide attempts, it's always a good idea to have another baby... even if you happen to be living in a bus.

4. When your wife kills your five children after you leave for work, you should divorce her. Then, you should remain "friends" with her and share good memories of those children.

5. If you are a mother who feels "overwhelmed and inadequate", you can easily get rid of your kids by drowning and "saving" them. Afterwards, all you have to do is talk about Satan a lot, cry a bit and claim insanity. At the most, you'll just have to talk to some psychiatrists and take a few pills.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Today at about 3:30pm, I got a sudden overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen soon. Something big. Perhaps some kind of natural disaster...?

Monday, July 24, 2006

Hello Goodbye

I am always aware of my tendency to overanalyze every minor event in everyday life. I have learned to accept that about myself. It's just what I do; it's who I am. Yet I try not to go overboard with it as often as I have the urge to. However, I have recently been noticing something happening around me. Something that has begun to concern me...

Many of my friends don't seem to be interested in associating with me any longer. It's almost as if I was added to the universal shitlist recently without my knowledge. I can feel many people making casual excuses, taking steps back, and cutting me from their lives one snip at a time. Perhaps they're trying to erase me completely from the albums of their lives. It's as if they are fed up and annoyed with me and anything I stand for. And the worse part about all this... I have no clue what I did to deserve it. If I could find out just what went wrong, I might be able to fix it...

Then again, how can I change what I am? And honestly, why should I have to?

Monday, July 17, 2006

All You Need

"I love you."

This, they often say, is what you should tell those you love every chance you get. But somehow, I'm still not quite convinced. It seems to me the more you say it, the more generic - and therefore meaningless - it becomes. Allow me to explain...

Let's say there are two [male/female] couples. Let's also say that both couples are very much the same... Man A loves Woman A. He reminds her of his love every time they meet for dinner. Everytime they kiss or escape to the lake for a swim. This is convenient for Woman A, like it's her own personal Disney movie. But soon enough, she begins to find it somewhat annoying. Man A picks up on this. So he begins to say it even more often, thinking it will convince her of his love. She eventually gets even more annoyed, and their feelings towards each other start to change. She begins feeling trapped in this "love". He feels her slowly slipping away, and doesn't know what else he can do to express himself to her. They eventually drift apart and end the relationship on a sour note.

Man B. He has been dating Woman B for a couple months now, and he's really beginning to fall for her. However, he doesn't want to rush along too hastily and risk losing what they have. So he decides to keep his feelings locked away for awhile, all the while analyzing and sorting them out in his head. She begins to wonder if he cares for her the same way she does for him. He appears to be in love with her, but he hasn't admitted to it yet. Why won't he say it?! Is she not beautiful enough? Is he having second thoughts? She just wants to hear the magical words spill from his mouth. Even if just once...

An irrelevant amount of time passes. Their feelings have only grown stronger for each other. So one random night, as they're walking through the park, Man B decides to stop and look out over the bright city lights. This is what Woman B secretly likes so much about him. He's not scripted. There is no Hallmark card dictating his every move. He remains somewhat of a mystery to her. Then suddenly, it happens... He takes her hand and stares into her eyes. With a slight but affectionate schoolboy crack in his voice he softly tells her, "I'm in love with you. ........ I fucking love you." He then kisses the top of her hand.

So my question to you is this: Woman A or Woman B... who do you think appreciates her "I love you"'s more?

Just for the record, I'd much rather be Man B.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006


  • My license tabs are due to be renewed this month. So I go to get it taken care of online... but no. It gives me some shit about an emissions test not being on file. So I find out I have to go into another town, try to find the emissions place, get the test done during the week (when I'm supposed to be working of course), pay them for it, turn around and come back to my town, try to find the liscensing place here, have them put my new emissions test on file, and pay them even more to get my new stupid fucking little bullshit tabs... And apparently I have to do it within the next two weeks.
  • My computer is still fucked up. I'm so happy that I just renewed my Norton Antivirus Security; barely two months ago. Especially since it didn't bother to protect my computer from the worm/virus/trojan horse I now have. Thank you, Norton. I finally found an email address for customer service and wrote them a few paragraphs. A couple days later I get a note back saying how they can't help me and I need to talk with someone else. So after another wasted hour or so of digging for a different place to write to, I finally find one. So I just wrote it all out again. And I can't wait until I hear how they can't help either...
  • Some of you know that we went up and jammed both days last weekend. We sounded pretty good and did a whole bunch of interesting stuff. We've been really looking forward to hearing the mixes because we think we have some keepers in there. Well, I find out today that the mix was fucked up, even though it checked out fine while we were recording. The bass did not record. The drums are too hot... Basically, nothing turned out good enough to even listen to. Major drag. Next time, perhaps.
  • If you didn't know, Steely Dan is playing in the area later this month. I found out a few weeks back and have really wanted to go. However, it was short notice, and the tickets are $125+. Now normally I'd still go, but I just can't afford that right now. Bad timing. So I held off this time and reminded myself that at least I'll get to see John [Mayer] in late September... Well, tickets for John's show went on sale this morning....... yes, a WEDNESDAY ......... at about 9:00 am.......... which of course is exactly when I start work. Right away, there goes any possibility of me getting a good seat. Why they can't go on sale on a Saturday like they usually do, I'm not sure. But you know what, it doesn't even matter that much anymore. I can't even afford to spend that $100 or so this week either. And now it looks like I won't get to see John this time at all.
  • The Forth of July -- thought of as my favorite day -- was the worst one I can ever remember. Traditionally, I go up to my grandparents' house on the lake to watch the fireworks. Everyone around the lake throws parties and tries to out-do everyone else with the size of their... show. But I didn't even go this year. There's no point when I have to work the next morning. We all know the show doesn't even begin until it gets dark... so how the hell can people actually enjoy it when they're supposed to be going to bed early? I have a personal message for the government: "Hey, how about we give people the Fifth off as well so they can actually enjoy and celebrate the Fourth?!? Oh, and also.... you guys fucking suck sometimes! ... Make that most of the time. But then again, what do you really care? You're getting paid. That's all that matters, right?". *In Money We Trust*

I stress out about things like this all the time. And on top of all of that, I've just been feeling really bad lately. I feel like I did back in April, when everything seemed to fall apart at the same time. It's happening again, and I don't know how to stop it. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it's due to the fact that I don't even feel like drinking anymore. Maybe it's in my void of a career and lack of desire to be stuck doing any one thing. Or maybe it just has to do with the way I routinely cut myself off from the world and fail to understand its people. It's what I do best.

I don't know.

But one thing I do know is that sometimes I'm really fucking tired of life and everything associated with it. It's not supposed to be this complex and tedious.

Monday, July 3, 2006

Random Shit (Vol 102)

Okay, so I stumbled across my last entry...... and decided that I really ought to lay off the Yukon Jack for awhile.

I had a nice weekend. Went up to Everett to jam both days. We think we got some good recordings, but we haven't gotten to check them out yet. Soon...

I signed back up with BMG Music to get some more "free" CDs. Don't worry, I understand they're not actually free. I am well aware of all the catches. I know what I'm doing. And $19 (for shipping) is not bad for seven brand-new CDs I've been wanting:
  • "Human After All" - Daft Punk
  • "Riot On An Empty Street" - Kings Of Convenience
  • "Whatever And Ever Amen (Expanded Edition)" - Ben Folds Five
  • "Kaleidoscope" - Kelis
  • "Aja" - Steely Dan
  • "The Royal Scam" - Steely Dan
  • "Can't Buy A Thrill" - Steely Dan

So I'm looking forward to adding those to my collection. I would have also ordered Pinback's self-titled album, but it's not available. It remains near the top of my list. Oh, and that reminds me, I also rented Elizabethtown. I haven't watched it yet, but I've really been wanting to. I just love Cameron Crowe's work...

Sunday, July 2, 2006


She is alive. More alive than she ever imagined she could be. This is what it's all about.

She walks among the chosen. Shaking hands with Aaliyah. Thanking her for some great tunes. Laughing with Phil. Expressing her apprecation for the "sarcastic-slow-clapping-family" skit that she liked so much. In their previous lives, it made her laugh so hard. Oh look, here comes John, in all his imaginative glory... She sits in front of a milky grande, taking lessons from the Man himself. He shows her which keys to touch. She shows him the lyrics in her mind. They collaborate...

It's about time to meet up with Mitch. Giggling and ranting on about the tribulations of everyday life. Why was it really so fucked up? What was the point? And why did they have to share the same useless existance? What a joke it all seemed to be...

Suddenly it all makes sense. A lifetime of wondering, ended. Nothing left but answers. She knows everything she always wondered. The great beyond, nothing more than a flick of her finger. She now holds the key to the safe of our collective curiosity. If only I could speak with her. If only she could enlighten me from beyond. If only we could share a knowledge unlike anything seen before. If only...

Monday, June 26, 2006


I am 26 years old. Yet somehow, I feel like I'm 41...

Not a day goes by that I don't anger myself for being socially retarded. I only wish I were eligible to play in the Special Olympics, because the confidence I do have in myself lies within my ability to help out their baseball team. (And speaking of the disabled, I have a question... Am I the only one who finds it odd that some people who are labeled as "handicapped" have no hands? I mean, where are all the footicapped people?)

Anyway, back to my current dilemma... It frustrates me to be so far behind my peers in a social sense; a good ten years in my best calculation. Socially, I think of myself as a sixteen-year-old. I have roughly the same experiences they would have. However, in many aspects I am far ahead of my peers. For instance, I can hold my own in a contest of knowledge against 60-year-olds. I have always made mature, logical decisions in everyday life. So in a weird way, you might say I have nothing in common with my peers, but something in common with everyone else. That's exactly how I feel... And it often confuses me.

On top of that, I have also had a sense that I was destined for something great. And I have had this feeling for as long as I can remember. Now could this merely be wishful thinking? Absolutely. Yet somehow, it still makes sense to me. There has always been something holding me back. Some kind of... Force. It keeps me from making bad choices. It steers me in the most benevolent of paths. It always has. And in the rare times I actually do make the incorrect decision, this Force sees that I pay for the mistake. Because of this, I quickly learned not to test it. It wants me for something. Something important.

And so here I am... Twenty-six years have come and gone. Yet still I wait. But for what?

This, I cannot comprehend...

Saturday, June 24, 2006


So I'm out at one of my usual spots tonight. It's a Friday night, roughly 11pm... and it's a complete sausage-fest. I mean, wall-to-wall guys. What the fuck?! Do available women still exist? Or are they all married or gay by now? I swear, the male-to-female ratio had to be about 10:1 tonight. And these are my options:

1. I approach a girl. Automatically I am just like every other guy in the room. Therefore, any unique quality I might appear to have had is written off. I become desperate in her eyes. Just one more guy thinking with the wrong head. This choice would get me nowhere.

2. I do not approach anyone. (This is my usual preference). This move never shows me as "desperate", while saving the possibility of uniqueness. However, this option also gives outside parties the assumption that I am pathetic and lonely, regardless of my reality. This choice... also gets me nowhere.


Either choice results in me looking pathetic. So honestly, what's the fucking point? I'm too tired to play the girl/boy game. It takes too much out of me and routinely provides nothing in return. If there was anything I was "destined" for, this must be it.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Double A

It occurs to me, almost too obviously, that I remain socially immature.

To analogize for awhile, I am a social ballplayer. Many of the guys my age are near retirement. They are capping off the final touches in their brilliant careers with the ladies. Many of them all-stars and record holders. Some of whom will go on to reside in the great Hall Of Fame. Me? I am a backup shortstop in the minor leagues. And I'm only getting older...

If ever there comes a chance someone better gets injured (the starting shortstop), perhaps I will finally get a chance to prove myself. But for now, I can only hide in the shadows. Cheering from the dugout, day after day, pretending that I'm content. I'm not. I should be out there showing what I know I can do. But the simple fact remains that I'm not. ...And I don't know why. All I do know, is that at this point, by the time I ever do make it out onto the field, I will be too old. I am living a ballplayer's nightmare. It just keeps going and going and going...

And isn't it funny that for years I wanted to be a ballplayer?

Monday, June 19, 2006

Am I Going McNuts?!

Last night I went to McDonald's. And I got an M&M McFlurry with my dinner. I like those. So as I begin to spoon the delicious vanilla ice cream, I notice a short phrase printed near the bottom of the cup. It says, "May contain nut products".

Now, I hate to always be the one with the dirty mind here, but doesn't that sound a bit discouraging? That's exactly what I always like to read as I'm dipping into a creamy white substance with little chunks of shit in it. "May contain nut products." ... Ummm, alright. By this, I sure hope they're not implying that the goofy guy with the crazed look on his face who made me the McFlurry may have put his own special nut-flavoring into it. No thank you, please leave your nuts out of my dessert. And if there ever comes a day when I want you to splash a little nut-butter onto my flapjacks, I'll be sure to let you know. Until that day, keep your exposed genitalia the fuck away from my food!

And don't tell me I'm just over-reacting. I've heard all those stories about the cook at Denny's who got just a little too bored on a Thursday night.

Look people, the bottom line here is that food and ejaculate just don't mix. It's kind of like drinking and driving, except they actually make warning signs for that shit. I think I'm going to start a new group devoted to the awareness of this issue. We're going to be known as P.A.C.I.F.I.C.

... And in case you're wondering, that stands for "People Against Climaxing In Food (It's Cruel.)"

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Stupid Joke Of The Day

Q: What does a woman with strep throat have in common with a man from Montana?

A: They are both fucking hoarse.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Mayer Of Simpleton

So I think I'm beginning to understand the reason for my innocent fascination with John Mayer...

I tend to think of him basically as me, but with a dream. He is everything I could have been had I applied myself to something at the early age that he did. And the fact that we're so much alike - outside of the obvious differences - only justifies that feeling. We're both 6'3", white, all-american boys with a genuine passion and love for music. We both grew up playing video games and memorizing the music in them. We love Star Wars. We're both intelligent, quite articulate and have very random and demented senses of humor. Neither of us are extremely hot looking guys, but we're not exactly hideous either. We both claim to have many issues when it comes to women, and don't do as well with them as others probably assume. And though we're two years apart in age, the lyrics in his new songs never fail to magically mirror the events of my own life as I first hear them. In another dimension - another life - we could be the best of friends, perhaps brothers. As corny as that sounds, it's exactly how I feel. And to answer the current question in your head... no. I'm still straight.

But now that I've gotten that off my chest, I might as well also tell you that I continue to play my guitar because of him. Sure I got it before I knew of his music, but it wasn't until I first heard some of his live acoustic stuff that I made a point to pick it up and try to learn. I've never known inspiration on that level before. And I have to say it feels great.

... And I'm getting better every day. It may not be a realistic career choice for me yet, but someday perhaps. You never know...

Life can be funny like that.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Mix CD # 21

The new mix:

  1. "You're My Flame" - Zero 7
  2. "Sugar Honey Iced Tea" - Kelis
  3. "Misread" - Kings Of Convenience
  4. "Nothing From Nothing" - Billy Preston
  5. "Friend Is A Four Letter Word" - Cake
  6. "Live Long" - Kings Of Convenience
  7. "Trick Me" - Kelis
  8. "Some Voices" - Pinback
  9. "The Pageant Of The Bizarre" - Zero 7
  10. "More Than One Way Home" - Keb' Mo'
  11. "Balmes (Better Life)" - Ian Pooley & Esthero
  12. "Sleep To Dream Her" - Dave Matthews Band
  13. "Millionaire" - Kelis & Andre 3000
  14. "Love Is No Big Truth" - Kings Of Convenience
  15. "Pennies From Heaven" - Louis Prima
  16. "Beauty On The TV-Screen" - Lou Bega
  17. "Spaceship" - Angie Aparo
  18. "Fin" - Pavement

There's a lot of great stuff I've been discovering for myself lately... If you're into R&B, definitely be sure to check out Kelis's album Tasty. It's full of great tracks. And if you love mellow jazz stuff, check out Riot On An Empty Street, by Kings Of Convenience... as well as Zero 7's new one The Garden.

Oh, and do yourself a favor and check out Pinback's "Some Voices" while you're at it... That's a sweet-ass song!

Monday, June 5, 2006


I have been on somewhat of a television series kick lately. I still don't watch tv anymore, but I sure have been putting my DVD player to good use the last week or so...

After talking up the series of 'Lost' for a year or so now, my parents finally just decided to buy me the first season on DVD. I'm sure they somehow knew it would be the only way I would ever end up watching it. So I've been really into that series. So far, it's very intense, well written and complex. It's also very psychological, which I'm a big fan of. Lots of shit to figure out... I'm down to the final two episodes of the first season. I'm actually a bit hesitant to watch them only because I know I'll have to go out and buy Season 2 as soon as I do. (If it's out of course. I haven't done any research on that yet.)

Today I got my most recent Amazon package. This time, I got "Wings", my favorite sitcom, Seasons 1 & 2... as well as TMNT Vol 4 of the original series. (Just finished up the last of Vol 3 a couple hours ago). I also really need to pick up the seventh (and final) season of Star Trek: TNG.... I'll do that very soon. Plus, I've been really slacking on South Park over the years. Next up for that, Season 3.

The one other thing that came in the package today is Zero 7's new album, The Garden. I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet, but I'm sure it'll be just as amazing as the other two I have. Oh, and Dian just turned me on to a band with some great stuff. They are called 'Kings Of Convenience'. More on that later...

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Thought Of The Day

I believe I have recently come to another explanation for certain pieces of my life...

One thing I've learned through experience is that women generally don't like to make decisions. They prefer that the guy make most of the decisions for them. Where to go out, what to order, where to sit, what movie to see, what to do afterwards, etc... Guys, you better have everything planned out in precise detail. If you don't, it's one more way she's going to lose interest in you quickly. Trust me, I know.

After thinking about this problem, I have come to realize exactly why I have struggled with this in the past.

Some people are right-brained. These people tend to be more creative, imaginative and emotional. Others are left-brained, in which case they are more analytical and logical. The rare people who are balanced-brained (as I am) use both sides of their brains equally, which allows them to see things in both logical and imaginative ways. This conflict is exactly what has always made it hard for me to come to decisions in the past. Here is some text from a test I once took that explains this fact:

"The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways."

*Final Thought*:

I have now recognized another problem to work on. I will make a point to consciously come to decisions more quickly from now on.

I never would have thought that thinking too much could actually become a problem...