Sunday, January 28, 2007

Star Spangled Anger

It has been very apparent to me over the last few years that our lovely [United States] government has become increasingly inadequate and corrupted. The benevolence of its very creation has long since faded, and our Founding Fathers would mostly be disgusted with the direction we have taken with it over the last two centuries. I know I am.

Have we made gradual progress in certain areas of everyday society? Of course we have. However, I strongly feel that we should be much further along the "peace and prosperity" train-ride than we currently are.


How can such a great concept be raped and slaughtered by so many unwilling people? How can our most basic rights, as the caretakers of this beautiful ball in the salted heavens, be so completely ignored and denied on a day-to-day basis. Something has gone awry here. Something just isn't right. But one thing I have learned in my insignificant little existance is that it is never too late to fix it.

The government was originally formed to protect and serve our nation's citizens. Yet somehow I'm not convinced they even care about any of us as individuals. Why do we still have a "homeless problem" for instance? There's no money to be made there. It's sad, but true. That is our world now. It's all about money, and if you have none you simply just don't matter anymore.

This is how my government makes me feel on a regular basis. Yet still I go to my job everyday and pay my taxes. I obey our laws. I respect our public buildings and resources. And I make a conscious effort to help the world grow a tiny bit better every day. More simply, I am an upstanding citizen. Somewhat of a poster child for American stability.

And tonight, I feel like my own government has betrayed me. They have stripped away my freedom on a much more personal level. It's as if my desires are irrelevant and my feelings are disposable. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive them for that.

Tonight, I have lost a bit more faith in humanity...

Daaa Bars

Here I am, still recovering from Friday. Here's my list of drinks for the night...

At my place:

  • 3 shots of Sailor Jerry (rum)

At the bar:

  • 1 Bacardi & Coke
  • 1 shot of Jagermeister
  • 2 shots of Yukon Jack
  • 1 Bacardi on the rocks
  • 1 shot of Southern Comfort
  • 2 shots of Bacardi
  • 2 glasses of Bud Light

At my place after the bar:

  • 2 more shots of Sailor Jerry


.... Quit being an asshole.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Random Thought Of The Day

Whenever people ask me about my sex life, I'm not always sure what to tell them. I mean, I do consider myself to be sexually active, but in reality I'm probably much closer to being 'sexually dormant'.

Finding the right people is important... (and apparantly rare)

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Corners Of My Mind

They say that smell is the sense most closely linked to memory. I agree with them... whomever they are.

I was in Walgreens an hour ago browsing for some items on my list, when I went through the stationary isle. Upon spotting a box of crayons, I had the bizarre urge to smell it. Instantly, I was transported back to a time when rainbows were the greatest thing in the world. A time when my biggest worry in life was just trying to stay inside the lines. And though we'd often create the most horrific compositions man has yet to see on paper, our parents would still display their pride by hanging those atrocities on the center of the family refrigerator. It was a time when color seemed like magic, and crayons were our own special little wands...

Where did that time go? I want it back.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

You Say You Want A Resolution

For the past few months I have had many random plans for the New Year slicing through my brain. Call it a cranial thunderstorm if you will. Since then, I have been able to further define those plans; organizing and prioritizing them into the most logical order. But tonight I realize a simple way to sum them all up in one collective resolution.

I plan to take 2007 and make it my bitch.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

The Night Before Christmas (The Lost Version)

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house
stood three german guys: Lars, Johan & Klaus
I asked them their reason for visiting me
they stood there while winking and grinning with glee
I knew in my heart, as Klaus chugged a beer
that I would not fancy my present this year
he slammed down his bottle and threw up the sash
and told me to squat down on Johan's moustache
My eyes wide in terror, I looked on to Lars
who happened to now hold three Vaseline jars
I couldn't believe things had gotten this weird
Johan grinned at me gayly while stroking his beard
I shut my eyes tightly and began to pray
"Dear Lord, make these creepy-ass fucks go away."
Just then rang the doorbell, again and again
Lars opened the door to find Yoda and Ben
The Green One delivered, in dramatic flair
the following sentence to give them a scare
"Too bad, for I sense so much evil in you,
think it's time for your shit to get fucked up, I do..... yes."
He lunged at the three men who shared in the crime,
said Ben looking nervous, "We haven't much time."
The sabers came out for a second or two
with roars of sharp humming and blurs of green-blue
Three bodies stood lifeless, then fell to the floor
Ben turned away quickly and waved at the door
The door locked up tightly with help from The Force
They both looked at me as my voice had turned hoarse
"Thank you so much! How can I repay..."
Before I could finish, here's what Ben had to say...
"Worry not, my young friend. Why don't you join me?
I foresee the great Jedi you someday will be."
Yoda faced Ben and then gave a big sigh,
opened the door and looked to the sky
"Many trials await on this path you may choose."
"I can't wait!", I said. "I've got nothing to lose."
They looked at each other with nodding consent
and away on my life-changing journey I went
It's funny sometimes how the pieces will fall...
I got what I wanted this year after all.

Monday, January 1, 2007


Inside vs. Outside, this is my torture

Always have these pieces of me hated each other
Making me less than a person, rather two separate halves of one

This struggle, I suppose can never end
Without the inside I am left a hollow shell
On the other hand, the outside is needed for protection

Perhaps these two were meant for each other
Eternally connected; for better or worse
Or maybe they are merely a character flaw, my shining fault
Pulling me in opposite directions; tearing me apart
Leaving me simultaneously hollow and defenseless
Eventually shattering everything I am and ever could be


My New Year's Eve was nice. My friend Ross invited me out to a house-party in Yelm [Washington]; a place owned by friends of his. As it turns out, they had a small amount of hard alcohol there, so with my distaste for beer I didn't end up drinking much. I still had fun though.

The shitty year of 2006 is finally over. As with any year, there are bright spots and dark clouds. Peaks and canyons. It's just that this last year seemed to be mostly blanketed in darkness. I'm so happy it's done. I've been looking forward to starting the new year with a fresh palette and brighter colors, and I have many plans already for 2007. Among them, I've been planning to schedule some time with a hypnotherapist. In my ongoing quest to understand and improve myself, I am struggling with certain core issues. These issues seem to be hiding in my head and refusing to cooperate with me, so I have been putting together a list of things I need to work out with a therapist. Things like social anxiety, extreme sexual repression/frustration, lack of career aspiration, mood swings and depression, chorophobia, inability to open up to those around me, inability to cry, etc etc... I'm tired of dealing with all of these things. I should be over them by now. I should be better.

I also plan to become more financially stable, maintain a steady workout routine, eat healthier foods and less overall, drink less, learn more, become more developed as a musician, write more, read more, date more, worry less, and become more acceptant of my inevitable place in society.