Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Freedom Only Costs A Buck O' Five

Emmy to Get Creative with Kathy Griffin's Speech
Tue Sep 11, 3:42 PM

Forget the D-list. Kathy Griffin is currently on the Catholic League's [bleep] list.

The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences said Monday that the acceptance speech the My Life on the D-List star made for winning a Creative Arts Primetime Emmy for Outstanding Reality Program will be edited for content when the ceremony airs Saturday on E!

That content being what the Catholic League is calling the redheaded comic's "obscene and blasphemous" remarks upon hoisting her statuette.

"Am I the only Catholic left with a sense of humor?" Griffin responded to E! News Tuesday.

"A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award," the oft-self-deprecating performer said last Saturday at Los Angeles' Shrine Auditorium, where more than 60 less mainstream Emmys were handed out in anticipation of the main event this Sunday.

"I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus," the erstwhile Suddenly Susan actress continued. "Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now!"

In response to the Catholic League's condemnation of Griffin's "vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech," and in addition to the assumption that more protests could arise from other religious groups or similarly concerned citizens, the TV Academy has opted to cut Griffin's reverse shout-out.

"Kathy Griffin's offensive remarks will not be part of the E! telecast on Saturday night," a TV Academy spokesperson said in a statement to E! Online. Instead, "there will be an abbreviated version of [her] acceptance speech on the telecast." (E! Online is a division of E! Networks.)

As of Monday, the two-hour Creative Arts Primetime Emmy special, which features highlights of the Carlos Mencia-hosted event that took place Sept. 8, was not finished. So, it's unclear how Griffin, not usually one to worry about offending anybody, will come off.

Meanwhile, the Catholic League has no bone to pick with the Academy, which organization president Bill Donohue said did the right thing. Griffin, however, has some 'splaining to do.

"The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences reacted responsibly to our criticism of Kathy Griffin's verbal assault on 85 percent of the U.S. population," Donohue said in a statement on the group's Website. "The ball is now in Griffin's court. The self-described 'complete militant atheist' needs to make a swift and unequivocal apology to Christians. If she does, she will get this issue behind her.

"If she does not," Donohue said, "she will be remembered as a foulmouthed bigot for the rest of her life."

Which, if nothing else, will provide Griffin with plenty of material for the next season of My Life on the D-List.


Lessons learned:

1. You have the right to free speech here in the United States of America... just as long as you're a Christian.

2. Telling an invisible man who lives in the sky to "suck it", is considered "hate speech".

3. I am a foulmouthed bigot if I say, "Suck it, Easter Bunny. And you too, Santa! Suck it hard!".

4. People can apparently be a humor-appreciating Catholic, and a 'complete militant atheist' at the same time.

5. Jesus is really good at winning people Emmys and helping football players score touchdowns.

6. Christians and Catholics are so important that we need to capitalize the words each and every time. However, atheists are not special enough to ever have the word 'atheist' capitalized.

7. Catholics have a long upstanding history of not offending people *cough HITLER cough*, and doing what's right. Well... I mean aside from when thousands of their priests are molesting children and getting away with it.

Monday, September 3, 2007


I recently told someone close to me the following:

"I'm not afraid of dying, but sometimes I'm afraid of living."

Somehow, after all this time, I find myself in somewhat of a comfort zone. New adventures wait on the horizon. New situations. New emotions...

A new life.

If you knew the thoughts going through my head right now, you might still be surprised by the actions I'm about to take. Sure, that may sound confusing and contradictory, but there's no other way I can think of to describe the unbelievable feeling it is to finally realize something that was only previously a myth; something I could not possibly comprehend with my unwilling, misused brain. I am Alice looking down into the rabbit-hole, trying her hardest to imagine the most realistic outcome. Put more simply, I am about to jump into the rabbit-hole.

It's true, I find a comfort in channeling my all too random thoughts into something while maintaining a somewhat cryptic barrier. I wasn't always this defensive. I picked it up along the way. Sometimes, I may not even be aware I'm doing it. It's just a part of me now. At the same time though, I'm learning new ways to smash these very barriers down. New ways of feeling. New ways of thought.

I like where I am right now. I really do.