Tuesday, May 18, 2004


So it seems you've gone away
and left me here alone
No post-it note of reasoning
No message on my phone

Your things are gone; our room is bare
You took the mattress too
But I don't mind because
I won't be sleeping without you

The soothing voice; familiar touch
are nowhere to be found
My eyes now sting; my knees give out
as I fall to the ground

I wish for life to take me back
to times of happiness
when you and I were ignorant
in juvenile bliss

I cannot bear these thoughts of mine
I'm searching for a knife
Living on without you here…
I do not want this life

A deadly blade now in my hands
I grip it steadily
The tip is poking in my chest
One thrust will set me free

I shove the knife with all my might
The rest is just a blur
A tunnel with angelic light
and thoughts of who we were

I'm sleeping now so silently
with not a breath of air
wherever I may end up now
I know you'll meet me there

A scream is heard as I sit up
With sweat among my brow
I hear you moaning half asleep
..... you are with me now

I can't explain my first nightmare
since I was nine or ten
But this one thing I know for sure
I'll not lose you again


today i am ill
though not in a physical sense
my life is a card game
what to do?
fold this mediocre hand i've been dealt?
make my idle way through on a weak bluff?
sometimes i cannot bear to take that chance
sometimes i cannot imagine the card i may draw
in a world full of poker faces
i am the one who sneaks a grin
there can be no pair here
only half of one forever
i have aced myself out of happiness
the deck offers no help
i should hold on to my chips
but i still have more to play
i am not done yet
i am still at the table