Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Happy Story Hour

Yes, I do realize that many of my posts tend to be "negative". I don't deny this. I am merely typing out words reflective of the random thoughts in my head. But contrary to popular belief, I can actually post uplifting entries now and then as well. So for all you who have been waiting for a "happier" entry, this one's for you...


Once upon a time, there was a young boy named Josh. Josh was a nice boy with stars in his eyes and Downy-fresh pillows in his heart. His heart was so Downy-fresh in fact, he would often dream of playing in flowery fields with Snuggles, that cute little bear from the Downy commercials. And as the violet sunset spread across the horizon, Josh and Snuggles would go get ice cream cones and sit along their favorite bridge, watching all the happy little froggies leaping around in unison and sharing their young innocent dreams with each other.

On one particular day, Josh would make a difference in the world. A difference he would never be aware of...

Josh woke up and got out of bed. He got dressed, made a pee-pee and went downstairs for breakfast. Today he would have his favorite cereal, Lucky Charms. He always loved Lucky Charms. Especially the colored marshmallows and the little irishman that talked real funny. Once again, he ate all of the soggy gross pieces first, while saving all the yummy marshmallow bits in a big rainbow-smeared pile for the last few bites. After breakfast, Josh went outside to play with his friend Tony. They were too young for school, so they had all day to play outside like kids should.

Tony was a sweet young boy himself, about Josh's age and size. He too, often had clouds in his eyes and sugary gumdrops on his fingertips. Together, Tony and Josh were poster-children for innocence.

The two boys headed out to the park just down the road from their homes. Once there, they began to play a game of freeze tag with some other kids. Not far into the game, Josh pointed to a box sitting in the park grass. They walked cautiously up to the box to discover five baby kittens inside... all different colors... all looking precious as ever with their big eyes and furry little bodies. Josh immediately whipped out his cell phone and called his friend, Ronald McDonald. Not long after, Ronald showed up to the park with happy meals for everyone and carefully picked up the box of kittens. Before leaving to find good homes for them, he grinned and waved to the kids, then fingered a big huge "M" in the air and blew them kisses. It was obvious the kitties would be safe now.

After a few hours of playing freeze tag, Josh and Tony decided to walk home to get some lunch. On their way, they encountered a mailman with a bag full of letters. The boys excitedly ran up to the mailman, Mr. Cliff, and asked him if they could help him open all the letters. Mr. Cliff agreed, and they all sat down in the sun and began to open letters. Many of these letters, neither Tony nor Josh understood... like all of the letters from "Big Ron" addressed to Richard Marx. Neither of them knew what they were all about.

"Mr. Cliff, what's a 'rimjob'?", Tony asked while reading one of the letters.
"Well Tony, it's kind of like a frisbee I guess. Only way more fun.", replied Mr. Cliff.

After opening all the letters, the boys thanked the mailman for letting them help and headed back home. On their way, they looked up to the sky to see pretty birds flying in formation like tiny little Top Gun jets. This made them both smile. Upon reaching Tony's place, the boys said their goodbyes and talked about meeting the next day at the park again.

Josh went home. It was getting late by this point so he went upstairs to the bathroom, stood up on the usual crate so he could reach the sink to brush his teeth like the grownups do, and made a final pee-pee. His mother, with her soft hands and silky fresh hair, tucked him into bed and read him a nighttime story. Something about Johnny Depp and Sting in tight spandex wrestling on a beach. It must have been another one of those "pirate stories" that his mom liked so much.

As Josh was finally beginning to get sleepy, he said to his mother...

"Mommy, I just want you to know that I love you. I love you a lot! And I love daddy too. And daddy's new girlfriend too! She's pretty. I love Tony too. He's my bestest friend. I love everybody. This world is great and I'm so happy to be here, mommy. I love my life. Can we get some ice cream tomorrow?"

Before Josh's mother could reply, he had nodded off and fallen asleep. She sat there with a tear in her eye, thankful for the boy with the golden heart laying in front of her. If it were not for this boy, surely she would have killed herself years ago.

It had been a very long time since she had seen the world from a child's point of view. And she never realized just how much she missed it until that moment. She made her way downstairs, and began seeing the world from a different perspective from that day forward.

Although she never believed she could be, she is happy now.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Back In Black

Most of you by now surely know about my friend Liz, who died last year. I have talked about her many times and have thought about her even more. But most of you may not know that prior to her death, she had planned to move in with me. We were going to be roommates. And I promised her I would take her out to many places and that we'd have so much fun. And we would have...

One thing you need to know about Liz is that she was a big fan of comedy. She loved to laugh. She loved to joke around. She loved showing off her razor-sharp wit and intense sarcasm. Those around her loved it too. ... And she loved going to comedy shows. I promised her that I would take her out to a bunch of them. Unfortunately, I never had the chance.

One of her favorite comedians was Lewis Black. So naturally upon first hearing months ago that he was coming to Seattle, I knew I would be going. On Saturday night, I did just that.

Although I've been wanting to see Lewis perform for a long time, I considered this as more of a tribute to Liz, especially since she would have been there right next to me had things turned out differently. And if I were rich, I still would have bought an extra seat just for her. Maybe that sounds insane but that's just how my silly little mind works.

I wore black that night. Aside from it being Lewis's last name, it also allowed me to pay respect to Liz's memory. It just made too much sense for me to wear anything else.

As for the show, Lewis was great of course. All night I couldn't help being fascinated with the thought that everyone around me came together for a few hours just to laugh. Thousands of people around me of all ages... all excited about the thought of laughing together and forgetting all the shit we go through in everyday life. Thinking about this somehow gave me a sense of hope for the world. And it made me realize just how powerful a simple thing such as comedy can really be.

With a night of full of laughter and thoughts of Liz, you can imagine how bittersweet it was for me. And I only hope that somewhere out there that night, Liz was laughing too.

The World Tonight

Upon opening my online browser a few minutes ago, I noticed the top five news headlines of the night. (In the following order...)

  • Ohio slaying suspect held on $5M bond
  • WWE star and family found dead in GA
  • Boston Police: Boy, 7, shot cousin, 8
  • Woman saves self after taxi driver dies
  • Alleged killer dies on witness stand

I read this and couldn't help immediately thinking... it's no wonder there are so many really fucking depressed people out there.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Thoughts To Think About # 4

A true artist can create something beautiful by merely improvising.

Monday, June 18, 2007

"This Is The Beginning..."

It is carved somewhere that everyone I care about most will leave me in the end.

Often, I find myself wondering if I should just leave them all first. At least that way they won't be hassled with the annoyance of having to make some kind of effort to improve themselves.

Then we could all go on continuing to be victims of our own lives. That's the part we secretly enjoy most anyway, right? Being victims? It's just easier that way. And it's what we do best.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Today's Fortune

I had more chinese tonight. This was written in my fortune cookie:

"You will soon be travelling to a distant land."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Typing In Stereo

I can't help noticing how much racism still exists in our world today. You'd think after all these years we'd be so much further along in society. Unfortunately, people still have a difficult time understanding the many different ethnicities, nationalities and cultures out there. So for all of you ignorant bastards out there, here's a basic guide to our species... (In no particular order)
  • My Asian friends - Living in the Pacific Northwest, I encounter many asian people in everyday life. Along with "people from Oregon", asians are basically the ones you want to avoid on the roads at all costs. Many of them don't know how to drive because they usually ride bicycles. They are a quiet people, unless they are among a group of other asians, in which case they somehow transform into the loudest conversationalists you will ever hear. Asian people like to eat cats and dogs (with rice and noodles), and they make some of the most delicious meals on this beautiful planet. They are very good at math and science. This may explain why so many of them like to hang out at casinos... they seem to be fascinated with the blend of technology and numbers they offer. Although asians are generally small, quiet people with tiny genitals... you never want to piss one of them off. Since they all know kung-fu, this mistake will likely result in you getting your ass handed to you on a platter. (A pu pu platter!) Remember, there is a reason they live longer than the rest of us...
  • My Latino friends - Latinos are widely considered to be the sexiest people; masters in the art of seduction. They love to dance and make love all day long. This is probably why they end up having so many children. Latinos also enjoy mowing lawns and cleaning hotel rooms. And they like their music to have lots of trumpets and keyboards in it. They eat tacos and burritos everyday. Latinos also seem to have the most beautiful eyes.
  • My Irish friends - "The fighting Irish"! This slogan is not just a coincidence. The most beloved Irish pastime is, in fact, to get wicked pissed drunk and then try to beat the living shit out of a fellow human being. The Irish don't drink until they hit the floor. They drink until the floor hits them! The only other hobby they have is slipping on bandanas and riverdancing on wooden floors. Unfortunately, they cannot take up any outdoor activities due to the fact that their bright red hair channels the sun's heat directly into their pale white skin, resulting in immediate epidermal flaring. That's actually where freckles come from.
  • My German friends - Germans are good at making cars and sausages. They don't get around to much else due to the fact that they're usually drunk (much like their Irish buds). They love their beer! They also like techno and bizzare sexual fetishes. They don't like jewish people though. :( Their language is very evil sounding. If you want to scare someone, speak to them in German. They will run away crying.
  • My French friends - French people are all about making love and art... especially making art about love. They seem a bit stuck up at times, but you will forgive them for that when you hear their beautiful language. In fact, the language is so captivating that it will also distract you from realizing that many of them don't wear deodorant or shower on a regular basis. They also don't shave much of anything, so they smell like feces a lot. They like to eat waffles, vanilla ice cream, onions, toast and fries. (Be careful around french guys because they will try to fuck your wife.)
  • My British friends - Brits make excellent music, what can I say. Some of the best music in the world has come from the minds of these classy people. Although they tend to have an elitist attitude at times, they will still invite you in for a cup of tea and crumpets. And if you're lucky (or unlucky?) enough, perhaps they will even drink a bunch of martinis and dance naked for you. The British enjoy wearing large, over-elaborate hats. This may be their subtle attempt to hide the big ears and horribly disfigured teeth that lurk below. They are a very educated and resourceful people. Just don't ever call one a "bloody wanker". I still don't know what that means but they don't seem to appreciate it much.
  • My Black friends - Black people are the coolest people around. It's in the way they walk... the way they talk... and let's face it... nobody can beat them when it comes to athletic prowess! It's very unfortunate that so many of them deal drugs and steal things. Unlike asians, black people tend to talk loudly even if they are outside of their own group. And they enjoy eating fried chicken and potatoes for some reason. Perhaps it gives them the energy to do all those really cool dance moves?! (Be careful around black guys because they will try to fuck your wife... And they pack way more in their shorts than any french guy.)
  • My White friends - Unlike black people, whites tend to have no sense of natural rhythm. Still, they are a confident people. They tend to have a superiority complex when it comes to other groups, as they should since they are excellent golfers and racecar drivers. White people like to eat... well, just about everything. This explains why so many of them have big fat asses... which in turn explains why white men are most likely to experience erectile dysfunction and thoughts of suicide. But you have to give the white folks credit... they still know how to make really entertaining old people.
  • My Australian friends - G'Day, mate! Our friends "down under" are masters of the BBQ art. They like to drink lots of beer and go outside to play with dangerous wildlife. They pack around huge knives and wear really neat hats in public. The Australian people love their hard rock, and their accents are very contagious.
  • My Russian friends - Russia. The guys are alcoholics and the chicks are supermodels. They love gambling (Their favorite game is roulette). They also love vodka and partying. This means they really don't get much done during the day, but what do they care? They're all drunk anyway...

I guess the point here is (if there is one), why should any of us even bother thinking we're better than anyone else? We all have our flaws. We all have our strengths. That's what makes us human. So the next time you hear all this talk about this race and that race, just keep one thing in mind... We're all the same race.

... The HUMAN race.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Seeing Red

Though it rarely happens, I have multiple levels of erratic anger boiling just under the surface today. And I feel like I have many different directions to shoot it out at. I still can't quite figure out how I can have a shitty weekend, followed by one of the greatest weekends I've ever had, only to have the very next weekend one of the worst I've ever experienced in my life. What is going on here? Is this some kind of sick cruel joke? If it's a sorry excuse for Karma, I still have no idea what I ever did to deserve this emotional torture.

"And in the end... the love you take is equal to the love you make."
--- The Beatles

Assuming my boys were right, it seems as though I still have some waiting to do...

I'm tired of giving everything I have, only to be repeatedly crushed and devastated by others.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Inside Wants Out

Inside my head, a neverending rainstorm flows.
Yet my outside skin feels dry as an abandoned desert.

How ironic it seems that I should find myself wishing for the ability to cry. With the exception of two personally devastating deaths, I cannot even remember the last time I was able to. And even in those two instances I could only briefly let any emotion out before quickly sucking it back in. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings, or that I don't feel pain.

I do.

Whenever somebody close to me cries, it breaks my heart. I don't only feel bad because they're sad... I feel bad because I wish I could take their tears away and cry my own instead. But I can't seem to figure out how. Some people can't drive a motorcycle. Others can't play golf... I can't cry. I can't fucking cry at all. I just don't know how.


I am much smarter than you think I am.

Last night, you fucked each other without cluing me in.
So why do I feel like I got fucked the most?

Do I have the right to feel like two of my closest friends have betrayed me?
Do I have the right to feel so irrelevant to you both?
Am I expected to accept this without speaking up about the overwhelming sadness and frustration I must now deal with?
Because that's how I feel.

Why do I have to be the one who seems to be losing everything from this?

I hope it was worth it. I really do.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


06/02/2007 - The Gorge Ampitheater @ George, WA

Malia flew in from Oahu a couple days earlier to go to the concert with me. She had never been to Seattle, much less a live Mayer show (it was my sixth time seeing him). Needless to say, we both had an excellent time!

The show opened with Rocco DeLuca. Honestly, I didn't get a chance to listen much since I was busy getting food, water and a JM tour shirt at the time.
About an hour later Ben Folds began his set. I had the opportunity to see Ben for the first time back on 03/04/2006, and both have been entertaining shows. His setlist this time went like this (as noted by someone else):
  • Gone
  • Bastard
  • All You Can Eat
  • Still Fighting It
  • Jesusland
  • I've Got You To Thank
  • Landed
  • Bitches Ain't Shit (Ben's classic tribute to Dr. Dre)
  • Narcolepsy
  • Such Great Heights (a great cover of The Postal Service)
  • Kate
  • Not The Same
It should also be noted that about halfway through his set, Ben explained how he intended to experiment with the Gorge's sound system to see if he can hit the right note to make everyone in the audience lose bowel control. He continued to explain how the right note played with the right power behind it will "make you shit your pants". (This phenomenon is also often referred to as "the brown note"). It was quite amusing, as he usually is.
As the sky grew dark, John began his great set:
  • Waiting On The World To Change
  • Belief
  • No Such Thing
  • I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)
  • Good Love Is On The Way
  • Dreaming With A Broken Heart
  • I Don't Need No Doctor (during which he threw in the lyrical chorus of Sting's "If You Love Somebody Set Them Free")
  • The Heart Of Life
  • Vultures
  • Bigger Than My Body
  • Gravity
  • 3x5 (Acoustic)
  • Slow Dancing In A Burning Room (Acoustic)
  • Stop This Train (Acoustic)
  • Why Georgia
As it always seems to happen to me, some stupid people decided to stand up directly in front of me, blocking my view of the stage. So after a few songs I had to yell at them to sit down. I called them "fuckers" too, but apparently they still didn't hear me. They finally got the hint later when others also began yelling at them. And speaking of which, Malia and I very nearly witnessed a fight between the people next to us and some other selfish people who were blocking their view. Words were exchanged, water bottles were thrown and venue security members were involved. But the show went on and we tried not to let it distract us too much.
John played an amazing set! It even gave the 07/11/2004 White River show a run for its money as the best Mayer performance I've been to yet.
Many thanks to Malia again for going with me! It was an amazing experience that topped off a long-overdue getaway weekend for both of us. And I'm so looking forward to doing it again sometime. (Preferably soon...)