Monday, January 30, 2006


You know, sometimes I just don't understand this world. It seems whenever I have the illusion that I've figured it out, on comes a cloud of shit. I had been feeling better about the new year, until this week. It's amazing how everything seems to crumble apart simultaneously. I suppose in that regard, life is like a game of Jenga. It takes time to build the right foundation. But with steady focus and a strong hand, you can gradually build yourself an empire. One tiny mistake and it will all crumble down in a chain-reaction.

That's me. I feel like I've jost pulled the wrong block from the tower. And there's not much I can do except to sit back and watch everything I've built come crashing down on me. Within the last three days, I've had to deal with surprising and disappointing blows to the future. It may be that these situations or events appear rather small in the giant scope of things, but they feel pretty big right now.

My parents may be moving out of state... again, very soon. I'm not blaming them for it, and I know they need to do what's best for them. But it will shake up my lifestyle a bit. For one, it means no more jamming with the guys, which I consider to be the most fun I get to have during the typical week. Just when I was getting into it... And of course I won't be helping my dad out on the weekends for extra money anymore either. So I'm a little stressed about all that.

Vegas will likely have to be delayed longer than I was thinking. A good friend of mine (whom I'm planning to move down there with) is experiencing some rough times right now and I'm worried and bummed out for him.

I just got blown off once again on the dating front; possibly even twice tonight. Potential friendships or casual relationships? Now straying from their initial interest. I don't understand. I was just starting to feel some confidence in that area for the first time. Today I find out I was only intended as 'Plan B'. And as it turns out, 'Plan A' was already successful. Meanwhile, my social and sexual frustrations are doubling up on me, and not in a good way. One effects the other. If only they would work together and not against me all the time...

The career void continues to loom over me of course. Approaching 30 now. Wondering if I should just take a class on some random thing like photgraphy, just to give myself a chance at being "successful" someday. Only to inevitably second-guess myself with logic. Then trying to justify my original ideas... albeit with false realizations. How often I remind myself that I would go insane doing the same job everyday for the rest of my life. There are so many things I want to do. Unfortunately, this existance leaves no chance to accomplish them all.

Not until I can find a way around time...

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Quote Of The Day

"High school is like a spork: it's a crappy spoon AND a crappy fork. So in the end, it's just plain useless."

---John Mayer

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Thought Of The Day

Sometimes I feel gifted and cursed at the same time. I feel this way and wonder how common the feeling really is. Is it normal? Is it rare? I can do just about anything I want to in this life. A quick learner with versatility and a vast scope of interests. But where to start? So much to do; so little time.

How can you identify priorities when everything (yet inevitably nothing) matters?

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Coldplay / Fiona Apple

Unless I misunderstood, last night was actually the first night; the kick-off of this tour for Coldplay and Fiona Apple.

Fiona started about 8pm. She played all her popular stuff, and some new stuff too. She really does have a great voice, and it's quite obvious listenening to her live. The only song I was hoping for but didn't get to hear was her version of John Lennon's "Across The Universe"; one of my personal Fiona favorites. I assume that she didn't want to have to pay the royalties to perform that song. Plus, she wasn't able to play too long anyway because she was the opener. (By the way, if you ever get a chance to check out the music video, do it now! It's amazing.) So I understood pretty well about that and wasn't too disappointed. Especially since she did play my other favorite, "Shadowboxer", as her third song of the night. She ended strongly it with "Fast As You Can", another great tune that was awesome to hear. And although I've been planning on picking up her new album Extraordinary Machine anyway, it reaffirmed that I should get right on that... there's going to be some great stuff on it.

Now, before I get into the Coldplay experience, you may have already noticed that I didn't do the usual write-down-the-setlist thing this time. Should I have? Probably. But I didn't. Not necessarily because I didn't feel like it though... I simply forgot to grab my pen and paper. Oh well.

Coldplay was awesome too. They played most of their hits as well, while throwing in new stuff from X&Y (which my procrastinating ass has also yet to pick up). After the opener, "Square One", Chris asked the audience, "We just landed and we didn't hear yet. Can you tell us who's in the Superbowl?". The crowd went nuts of course. He then asked, "...And does anyone know where I can get a cup of coffee around here?". In fact, a song or two later they played one of my Coldplay favs, "God Put A Smile Upon Your Face". Chris played with the lyrics in the first verse a bit and sang:

"God gave me stlye, and gave me grace.
God put a Starbucks on the corner of every fucking place."

That was some pretty good shit. hehe They even did an intimate acoustic-type mini-set and played a couple songs from the late Johnny Cash. Having never really listened to Cash, they didn't do a whole lot for me, but I found it interesting at least. After that, they played an acoustic version of "Trouble", which of course was awesome!

Like I said before, I didn't write down the set list this time, but here are the songs that I can remember off the top of my head (probably not in a completely accurate order):
  • Square One
  • Politik
  • God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
  • Yellow
  • Speed Of Sound
  • Ring Of Fire (Johnny Cash cover)
  • Trouble
  • The Scientist
  • Clocks
  • In My Place
There were plenty of others I'm forgetting of course, but hopefully you get the idea. It would help if I was more familiar with the contents of X&Y... Regardless, the concert was very enjoyable. They were entertaining to watch (especially Chris basically dry-humping his piano all night, and his other idiosyncrasies), they sounded great and had some very interesting lights and video segments playing to the music behind them.

Bottom line: I'm very happy I went and would go see both Coldplay and Fiona again.

P.S. 'Cell phone screens: The Modern Concert Candles'. Funny but incredibly sad all at the same time.


Added 2/22/2011:

I just found the complete song list for Coldplay's set.

  • Square One
  • Politik
  • Yellow
  • Speed Of Sound
  • God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
  • X&Y
  • How You See The World
  • Don't Panic
  • White Shadows
  • The Scientist
  • Til Kingdom Come
  • Ring Of Fire
  • Trouble
  • Clocks
  • Talk
  • Swallowed In The Sea
  • In My Place
  • Fix You

Monday, January 23, 2006

Vehemence (Chapter 2)

One thing I cant figure out...... these 'nutritional value' charts on the backs of every edible item in the store. I can certainly understand the reason for these charts. I just fail to understand why the serving size never seems to match up with the contents of the item. For instance, I bought a 20-ounce bottle of Sierra Mist today. The chart on the back said it's 100 calories. Fine. But under closer inspection, I noticed it to also say "servings per container: 2.5". And I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck is this about? Did I wander into a fucking math quiz here? I don't feel like trying to figure out some damn mathematical equation right now, I just want a fucking pop!" And why doesn't the chart just say 250 calories in the first place? It would sure save me plenty of brain energy, and time that could be much better spent drinking the goddamn thing. Don't get me wrong, math is cool and everything. But when I'm thirsty, it just blows. How many people really buy a 20-oz bottle of soda, only to drink eight ounces of it? And might I add, if they're on a diet, why the fuck are they drinking soda in the first place?? But it's not just about pop... Apparantly, one serving of Wheat Thins is equal to 11 pieces. Shit, I know people who eat eleven of those mofos in one bite. This chart crap is really stupid. Oh, and that whole daily value percentage thing... well, fuck percentages. Fuck them in their stupid asses; they suck. These charts might as well have some dumb shit about square roots on them too. Your daily diet... good for your body, and your math skills too!

It's like trying to figure out why adult men still wear their caps sideways and crooked. I grew up in an era that had the backwards-cap thing in style, so I can understand that to some degree. Still a tad goofy, sure, but it looks much better than this sideways shit. If only it were legal to take out some of these dumbshits, the world might be a slightly better place. Upon passing someone like this, who is obviously mentally challenged, I cringe to think of said person's skewed version of reality. Is his sideways hat meant to enlighten the rest of us with otherworldy knowledge? Perhaps to salute the great qualities of man and his free will? Or is it to simply say, "Yes people, I am cool and rebellious. Now watch me prove it by rotating my hat 45 degrees to the right of where it's supposed to be. Deal with me now, World." ... I don't get it. But I do know that these guys look like morons. Village idiots who cannot comprehend a simple task, such as putting on a hat. I don't care if P. Diddy does it. That doesn't make it impressive. Besides, that guy's about as butt-cheese as they come.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Mix CD #17

I finally put together #17. I opted for more obscurity this time around, while flashing peeks of my 80's (and semi-oldies) fetish. There's something about the music around in my early years... perhaps it's merely nostalgia. Nevertheless, much of it resides permanently in my head. For that I make no apologies.

Here's the track listing:
  • "Air Force Ones" - Nelly
  • "Crooked Teeth" - Death Cab For Cutie
  • "Strange Magic" - Electric Light Orchestra
  • "Dare" - Gorillaz
  • "[untitled demo]" - John Mayer
  • "Statue Of Liberty" - XTC
  • "Fill Me In" - Craig David
  • "Race For The Prize (Remix)" - The Flaming Lips
  • "Goodbye Stranger" - Supertramp
  • "Keep It Up" - Soul Asylum
  • "White Ladder" - David Gray
  • "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab For Cutie
  • "The Seeker" - The Who
  • "Don't Wanna Fall In Love" - Jane Child
  • "Turn To Stone" - Electric Light Orchestra
  • "I Know There's Something Going On" - Frida
  • "Sweet Freedom" - Michael McDonald
  • "When I Grow Up (To Be A Man)" - The Beach Boys

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Seer

A random prediction:
  • Within fifteen years, the cash/coin currency system will begin its path into obsoleteness. The new standard will be an instant card-swiping technology. No buttons to press; no PINs. Much quicker and much less hassle. We may even see card-swiping peripheral for our home computers for online purchasing. But the thumbprint purchasing standard is still a few years off...

Saturday, January 14, 2006


My dad turns 50 today. He's taking it very well so far. I'm not trying to imply that he shouldn't, it just traditionally seems to be one of those crises-inducing events in one's life. At least, for those who are lucky enough to make it that far along. Many of us don't. Fifty years may be quite a long time, but it is not the "ancient" age it once was. It is not even close. Still, I find it interesting that I too am feeling the pressure of time's ever-hastening shove.

This picture was taken [with my best guess] during Christmas of 1984. I came across it this morning and decided to share it. The really interesting thing about it is the fact that may father, in this pic, would be about the same age I am today, as I write this. And I remember. I remember being there. I remember how old he seemed when he turned thirty... an age I myself am only a few short years away from. Where does the time go? And why does it go so quickly?

I imagine somewhere out there, there is a mountain of lost time. Time that has escaped us or merely wandered off. As elusive as it can be, it always leaves us in a flash never to return. The most we can do is try to remember it while we can. This mountain of time must be out there, waiting. Perhaps that is the idea of Heaven. A place where we finally have all the time we want... to do the things we never got around to in the previous life.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Question Of The Day

Why do people see those who successfully overcome an addiction as noble role models, while those who never got addicted in the first place are only ignored?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Ryan Bollman, 26

If I were to die tomorrow, what would my obituary say? This is a question that haunts me.

While scanning through any generic obituaries section of a newspaper, I often find phrases like "served in Vietnam for two years", "coached little league", "lived in Europe for a year", "volunteered as an aid-worker", "studied hard and earned a phD", "played a few years in the minor leagues", "started her own successful business", "married his high school sweetheart"... and the list goes on and on. I take these all in and can't help wondering what someone would possibly find interesting to write about me. I haven't done a thing with my life. Now perhaps I don't truly believe that, but one thing is for sure... in the world's eyes I am irrelevant. A mouse among the great everyday men and women. Hiding in the shadows searching frantically for my piece of cheese.

After torturing myself with these thoughts, I soon realize that, unlike these people, I am not dead yet. I'm still here. I still have time. And maybe, just maybe... my most interesting endeavors just haven't been written yet.

Friday, January 6, 2006

Thought Of The Day

You know when you go to the movie theater and they have the "free-refill" bucket of popcorn? Back home, in a theater I used to frequent, they called this option the "bottomless tub" of popcorn. I never understood that. If the tub doesn't have a bottom, wouldn't all the popcorn just spill all over the fucking floor?! In which case, why the hell should I bother refilling it? It's only going to spill again. And besides, wouldn't that just make more work for the people who have to clean the floors? Maybe that's why they charge more for that option in the first place...

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Query Eye Of The Straight Guy

Why do I never see a female under 30 driving a vehicle without a cellphone glued to her ear? Is this some sort of club or something they all joined? Why didn't I get a membership application? Then again, what discussion can possibly be so interesting that they can't put the phone down for five minutes? I've come to the conclusion that these girls must be afraid of, or uncomfortable with, their own thoughts. I just don't understand people who feel the need to be in constant communication with someone else. Don't people just stop to fucking think anymore?

Why is Geoffrey, the Toys 'R Us mascot, a giraffe? Nothing against giraffes, I've just always wondered that. Why a giraffe? Is it because his long neck allows him to peek over the tall shelves in that huge-ass store? Why not a bird or something? A giant talking rabbit? Perhaps their executives had a meeting long ago and felt that mascot giraffes weren't getting enough play. Kinda like Velma, from 'Scooby Doo'.

And what the fuck is up with Antarctica? We only have about 23 people living there... and all of them are only there to film penguin documentaries. It's basically one giant ice cube. No one wants to go there. ... And speaking of freezing countries, what's the deal with Greenland. Is there really much there that's green? I admit, I've never been there, but everytime I see a map, the whole damn thing is colored white. To me, that means it's too cold. If I want to see green, I'll stay here in Washington state. We have trees. Lots of trees. ... And they're green.

Why do women try to attract men by acting masculine? So many chicks now seem to brag about liking football and loving cars, etc. Many of them belch, start fights and drive trucks around... and I'm even talking about the straight girls here. Somehow I get the feeling this is mostly because they think it helps to attract the guys, to become one of them in a sense. Ladies, stop it. I'm not alone here. Guys are attracted to femininity. If we wanted a dude in a chick's body, we'd go to a gay bar and pick up a transsexual. We don't. We want women. We like it when you smell nice and put on dark eye-liner. We love fondling your long hair. We like the fact that our genders are so different. Stop trying to act like us. You don't see us blowing our paychecks on cute shoes and going to the bathroom in groups. Not most of us anyway...

And why are daycares so much like nursing homes? The only people not wearing diapers are the ones who have to feed applesauce to incoherent droolers. And why do all these places smell like rotten goat testicles? Nothing against goats though... they're almost as cool as giraffes.

...And where are all the goat mascots, by the way??