Friday, March 31, 2006

A Fortune Cookie State Of Mind

"You will soon receive an unexpected surprise."

Well, that "soon" became tonight. A long lost friend, Ross, contacted me through myspace wondering if I was in fact his lost childhood friend.

Growing up, we were basically "best" friends. His family moved away in the middle of sixth grade, and I never heard from him again (with the exception of a couple phone calls the following year). I've always wondered about him. Where he ended up, what he does, what he's interested in... all that stuff. And I've even searched many times online for any contact information I could find. But I could never find anything. And out of the blue, fifteen years later, he contacts me... and we find out we've been living no more than 25 miles away from each other.

This happened a few short hours ago, so obviously we haven't had much of a chance to catch up or anything yet. We've only sent a few replies back and forth. But we're both excited about getting together over drinks and "shooting the shit" (as the kids would say). So far, we seem to have a lot in common, just like we always did. I find that actually kind of eerie in a way, since it's been so long. More on all that later...

But the bottom line is this... I am very happy tonight. I feel as if another lost piece of the puzzle has been located and set back into place. And although I've been sick the last few days and missed some work, hearing from Ross again has somehow made my week a great one. Now, I can't go out tonight at all because I'm still recovering, but I'm hoping maybe tomorrow night he and I can meet up. Two friends reunited.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thought Of The Day

Why is it that most of the serial killers and assassins I can think of have three names? John Wayne Gacy, John Wilkes Booth (Lincoln), Lee Harvey Oswald (JFK), James Earl Ray (MLK), Mark David Chapman (Lennon)...etc.

I have a working theory that it has something to with broken homes and re-married mothers trying to raise their sons without proper discipline or a father figure around...

And sure, there are guys like Charles Manson, Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer... but they don't really count because then my three-name observation doesn't seem as intriguing.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Numb Me, Drill Me, Floss Me, Bill Me

So I got back from the dentist tonight. That chick was assisting again. This time, I managed to find the time to ask her name. It is Marissa. Then, like a stupid asshole, I decided to say "nice to meet you". As if she hadn't already spent last Tuesday sucking saliva out of my mouth (and not in the preferable way).

So as they were finishing up the job, the [female] dentist kept telling me how "beautiful" my teeth are, and how she wishes hers were as nice (and Marissa concurred). Fade to black.

I arrived home, still thinking about how stupid I am for not trying to find more of a chance to talk to her in private. So I came up with an idea, and this is what went down:

I dialed the number on my appointment card and asked to speak with "Marissa". She answered...

[Me] "Hey Marissa, this is Ryan. I was just in there."
[Her] "Oh, hi! What's up?"
[Me] "Well, first of all, sorry for bothering you."
[Her] "Oh, it's no problem."
[Me] "Actually, I wanted to ask if you'd be interested in getting drinks with me sometime. ... I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your co-workers."
[Her] "Wow, thank you! I'm really flattered, but actually I'm married."
[Me] "Yeah. I assumed that right away, but figured it was worth asking anyway."
[Her] *giggle* "Yeah, sorry. I don't think my husband would like that very much."
[Me] "Yeah, I'm thinking he probably wouldn't." *chuckle* "But I really like your eyes, just for the record."
[Her] "Thank you! I like your eyes too. You have beautiful eyes. And great lashes too."
[Me] *silently but heavily grinning* "Thanks!"
[Her] "I do have some single friends though. I'll keep you in mind if you want me to hook you up with them or something."
[Me] *stupefied* "........ ....... OKAY!"
[Her] "Well thanks again, I'm really flattered! I guess I'll see you when you come in next, okay?"
[Me] "Alright, sounds good. I'll see you later."

...and so that's basically how it went (as close as I can remember). And the odd thing is, I feel pretty damn good about it. Most women I'm interested in turn out to be married already, so I went in assuming that was the case. And it was. But I never expected her to say those things about me. And it made me feel really good. And the conversation was so... friendly... and sincere. I got a sense of connection there. As if we might turn out to be friends, and perhaps she will even try to set me up with one of her friends... you never know. But in the meantime, I'll just do what I do and see what happens. I just feel better knowing I pushed myself through the experience. I may not have a date with her, but I'm that much more confident now.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Higher Ground

As unexpected as it may seem, I'm actually feeling pretty good tonight! Not bad for a Sunday...

Today I went shopping for some new clothes. Now just to clarify, I am what society would refer to as "severely fashion impaired". But even I knew I was about due to get some new clothes for work (and for casual too, for that matter). I don't even recall the last time I bought new clothes. Years I suppose. Although I ended up just getting shirts this time, I got some cool ones. And I'm going to go in a couple weeks and get some new shoes and pants. Oh, I also got a haircut this weekend. I feel much better.

Last Thursday, I went on a date with what seems to be a great girl. We got some drinks and talked about everything. I think we hit it off pretty well. Looking forward to going out with her a second time.

Heading into the new week with some newly found optimism...

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Lost Blog

Here's a blog from 02/18/06 I never "published". It's available now for the first time, exclusively to all my wonderful fans! hehe

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

American Justice

Charges Dropped in Fla. Student Sex Case

By MITCH STACY, Associated Press Writer

TAMPA, Fla. - Prosecutors in one Florida county decided Tuesday to drop charges against a former Tampa teacher accused of having sex with a 14-year-old middle school student.

The decision, announced hours after a judge rejected a plea deal for Debra Lafave, means the victim won't have to testify.

Lafave's sentence in another county for having sex with the same boy still stands. Prosecutors and defense attorneys had urged the judge to accept the deal for the sake of the boy involved. A psychiatrist who examined the teenager told the judge at a previous hearing that the boy suffered extreme anxiety from the media coverage of the case and does not want to testify. Marion County Circuit Judge Hale Stancil, however, said the lack of prison time for Lafave under the plea deal "shocks the conscience of this court," and he rejected it.
Assistant State Attorney Richard Ridgway, in explaining the decision to drop the charges, said: "The court may be willing to risk the well-being of the victims in this case in order to force it to trial. I am not."

Lafave, 25, was already sentenced to three years of house arrest and seven years' probation in Hillsborough County, where she was charged with having sex with the same boy in a classroom and her home. She pleaded guilty Nov. 22 to two counts of lewd and lascivious battery under a plea deal there. In Marion County, she was accused of having sex with the boy in a sport utility vehicle. Lafave said at a news conference later Tuesday that she was getting treatment for bipolar disorder. "I have a lot of things in my past that have unfortunately become public," Lafave said. "I pray with all my heart that the young man and his family will be able to move on with their lives," she said. "Again, I offer my deepest apologies."

Hillsborough County prosecutor Mike Sinacore has said that the victim's family had anticipated a trial, but that the media attention prompted the boy's mother to push for a plea deal. "There is no one that wanted to see Debra Lafave serve jail time more than myself," the boy's mother wrote in an e-mail to the Ocala Star-Banner over the weekend. But she said the welfare of her son was more important.


*Lesson Learned:

Raping a 14-year-old is not a crime ..... if you're a woman.

Erratic Thought Of The Day

I just got back from the dentist. Cavity filled. Will go back again for cleaning. Hot chick assistant. I mean HOT. Sticking things in my mouth. Eyes. Eyes. Her eyes are incredible. I think I'm attracted to her. A lot. ... Will go back and try to hit on her. I can see myself dating her. I only hope she can see that too. But she's probably married. Her husband sucks, fuck him. Lucky bastard. I like her eyes. I'm going to find out more. When I don't have bundles of shit in my mouth. And when the left half of my face isn't numb. Might not get another chance. We'll see.

Monday, March 20, 2006


How frustrating things can be...

In the past four months or so, my sex drive has basically tripled. My sex life, on the other hand, is flatlining. Sexual deprivation is not my friend. Everyone around me seems to have their healthy share. Even those who don't consider themselves a sexual being as I do, are getting far more action. I want to experiment. I want to explore. I want the intimacy. The thrill. I want to unleash the primal instinct that stirs inside. That high that no drug can provide. I want it all, and it's so frustrating. Because in the meantime, I'm only getting older, and more pathetic by the minute. Soon, I will be the most unexperienced 30-year-old in the history of the world. And that makes me feel like utter shit. A fucking loser.

How hard does it have to be to find someone attractive who enjoys sex as much as I do? I just don't understand...

***And by the way, I recently stopped giving a shit how ridiculous I might be sounding. I'm not going to tone down my thoughts anymore... it's one of my resolutions this year. I'm tired of hiding in the shadows.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Joke Of The Day

The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

The Orphan

Little Tommy was an orphan. Nobody seemed to ever want him.

He was always thought of as more of a burden than the amazing personality he truly was. Such energy he had. His eyes lighting up at the prospect of playing with others. He liked to talk... mostly just because he always had a lot to say (a smart one he was too). His appearance was quite unique, but often guaranteed adopting families to pass him by in favor of the others. No one ever knew his real mother, or where he came from. He was simply young and alone.

There was this family that did once take him home, but they did not treat him well. They never played with him, or spent time with him. Or fixed him up a comfortable bed. They even neglected to feed him most of the time. And he still felt alone. In fact, then more than ever. That same family eventually returned him to the orphanage because he cried too much. They found it annoying, and decided they just didn't want to keep him anymore. So back he went to the only true home he ever had.

Upon his return, he found that some of his closest pals at the orphanage were gone. Some of them found new homes. Some of them had died. He also came to know some new faces. Some of them even younger than himself. As he observed his friends come and go, he always hoped the best for them, he really did. Because by that point, Tommy had known his own fate...

Little Tommy was getting a bit older. The other orphans learned to look up to him. They all knew just how special he was. Unfortunately, no family ever did.

So one day Dr. Martin - along with his assistant, Heather - came to see Tommy. They laid him on a table and comforted him. Heather held him down and gently stroked his head to help keep him calm. This is when the good doctor injected an unknown substance into him... This was Tommy's last memory.

Little Tommy was dead. They took his body and threw it in a giant freezer. It would remain there until the freezer was full of bodies of other orphans nobody wanted. Then they would eventually be moved to a crematorium to be disposed of.

Yes, Tommy was just a kitten. And his tale is all too common. In fact, this kind of thing happens thousands of times every single day!

This is the world I live in... and so do you.

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Thought Of The Day

I suddenly realize why it's called a "checking account".

... because I'm constantly checking it to make sure I actually have some damn money left.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

In Time

It is my theory that there is no true "present" time. Our system of time can be broken gradually into infinite fractions. Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, hundredths of seconds... etc. As soon as you claim any given time as "the present", the moment is already gone. And that very same moment is now in the past.

On another note, the future has not happened yet. And when it does, it will immediately become the past. So one could argue that there technically is no "future" either. It is only an abstract idea. A dream of what could be, what might be... what will be. Unfortunately, my friend, the future is not guaranteed... so we must not blindly assume it exists.

Maybe there is only the past. A universal log of what has happened so far. Perhaps everything else is mere speculation.

Sunday, March 5, 2006

Rockin' The Sea-Town

As you probably know, I had the opportunity to go see Ben Folds last night, downtown at The Paramount theater. Very cool...
Since the show was to start at eight, I headed out at six; giving me the usual two hours to get there, park and find my seat. From the last few concerts downtown I've gone to, it seems to be the perfect time to leave. And getting there was a complete breeze this time. I knew exactly where I was going, where to park and how much the parking would cost. I'm catching on quickly. So it's nice to know on some level that I don't need to worry so much about pre-concert transportation anymore.
I arrived at the Paramount entrance about five minutes before they started letting people in. When they did, I went up to the mezzanine and got a Bacardi to sip on while waiting for the show. I found a nice little spot on the floor to sit and observe people while enjoying my drink. It was quite surprising to see the majority of people were under 20. I expected the audience to be slightly older (mostly 20-30) for some reason. That'll work though... more Bacardi for me. Unfortunately, at $7 for a little cup of mostly ice, they weren't exactly a bargain. So I waited until the show was about to start before having one more.
My seat was in the second row of the first mezzanine. Slightly off to the right side of the theater. Great seat. This is where I like to sit when I go to The Paramount (although I prefer to be as close to center stage as I can get).
The show started with a guy by the name of Chris Mills. He is a solo artist with only an electric guitar at his side. Although he didn't play for very long, I thought his performance was interesting. Simple, yet entertaining. But still, Ben was obviously the star of the show...
Okay, so once again I didn't write down the set list. Besides, most of the night's material was from Ben's solo stuff, which I admit to not having yet. :( But it's definitely some great stuff, so I totally plan on picking whatever he's released very soon. (All I have so far is Ben Folds Five's Whatever And Ever Amen, which is a fantastic album!
Ben was joined by a drummer and a bass player, both of whom joined him to create some impressive three-part harmonies throughout the night. Great musicians! Deep into the set, the other two guys left Ben alone with us to do some softer stuff. A hell of a pianist he is... He did this cool effect where he played with one hand and muted the piano strings with the other; giving his keys this kind of plucking sound that resembled a guitar. Very cool! And he's funny as hell too. At one point, he admitted to worrying about what to say to us in between songs, and how he didn't want to just sound like an asshole.
The greatest part was when the band came back, and Ben talked about his theory of knowing when a song stands up to being a quality one. This, he says, is when you can sing a song out loud in an Irish pub and not get the shit beat out of you by crazy drunks. It was then that they played a soft jazzy cover of the untitled bonus track on Dr. Dre's classic album The Chronic. In which, the audience - the majority of which was under 20 remember - happily sang along to the line "Bitches can't hang with the streets". It was hilarious. Afterwards, Ben talked about how he's been writing a soundtrack to a new movie geared towards a younger generation. The name of the film escapes me at the moment, but he played some interesting stuff from that as well.
During the final song, he had the audience split into groups and singing along with him in three-part harmonies. He got up and stood on his paino to direct us, as a great conductor would. with his hands near his feet, suggesting we start out low, he would slowly raise them until they were high above his head. Playing with our voices for his amusement, as if his hands controled the pitch bar of our collective choir. He even moved his arms up and down quickly after awhile just to fuck with us. lol But we kept right with him. It was awesome. : ) Ranging from low to high, it was really amazing to hear the voices coming from ourselves, a group of everyday people with one thing in common... the love of music. Something about that I found incredibly beautiful and inspiring.
As much as I admire John Lennon (and that's a hell of a lot), I'm beginning to wonder if he was slightly off when he penned All You Need Is Love. Because it seems to me that a more accurate claim would be... all you need is music.
Upon checking Ben's official site before the concert, I noticed that his following performance (actually starting about this very moment) is in a town called Moscow, Idaho. My hometown. How eerie that coincidence is, especially since we hardly ever get any big names to play there. I find that incredibly interesting, yet somehow I'm disappointed I can't be there. I should be.

Saturday, March 4, 2006

Mix CD #19

New mix CD. Here it is (in order):

  • "The District Sleeps Alone Tonight" - The Postal Service
  • "Doralice" - Stan Getz & Joao Gilberto
  • "Across The Avenue" - Freedy Johnston
  • "Wish I" - Jem
  • "She Comes 'Round" - Fastball
  • "Time For Letting Go" - Jude Cole
  • "Just One Night" - Cassie (feat. Ryan Leslie)
  • "See You Next Lifetime" - Erykah Badu
  • "Haitian Divorce" - Steely Dan
  • "Feels So Right" - Janet Jackson
  • "Do You Remember?" - Phil Collins
  • "Rendezvous" - Craig David
  • "If You've Got Trouble" - The Beatles
  • "Constant Craving" - K.D. Lang
  • "Get Down On It" - Kool & The Gang
  • "Good Night" - The Beatles

I'm really loving reggae lately. "Haitian Divorce" is a current favorite. I can't seem to get the damn song out of my head; the last minute or so in particular. I'm thinking of putting together a "Ragu Mix", so I'll be gradually rounding up some nice reggae stuff. I'm in the process of checking out some new reggae I've never listened to before, because frankly, I just love the style and I'd love to discover more of it.