Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Eight One Five

My head is filling with this life
with no way to relieve the pressure
If only I had my own doomsday button
I might finally be able to channel my frustration into the sky

In a sense, I am stranded in this awkward place
unable to break through to the outside world
How is it possible to cry out for help
when I don't know how to cry at all?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Center Stage

She waits here for the curtain
to rise into the sky
for answers to her questions
to find a reason why

The redness comes apart now
with little or no sound
her blood is thumping through her
like vibrations in the ground

She opens up to everyone
this is what she knows best
she's found a way to empty
all the torture from her chest

Potential lies where talent hides
but this she hasn't seen
i hoping still, someday she will
find out just what i mean

Until that day i will be here
to guide her near and far
to ease away the lonliness
to see her catch her star

She may grow up, but she'll be young
no matter what her age
I'll always lend my hand to her
the girl at center stage

Saturday, May 12, 2007

For Mom

My whole life, I've been aware of the fact that I have the greatest mother around. Unfortunately, I have not always had the ability, or the courage, to express that to her. I suppose this is my attempt at doing just that...


Dear Mom,

Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. Thank you for your patience, your guidance, your forgiveness and your loyalty. In a time when so many mothers treat their children as trophies... or abandon them altogether, you were always there with open arms and a warm home-cooked meal. And if I could never say it before, I will always respect and appreciate you for that.

These past couple years haven't been easy for you. But things will soon be much better. I realize that over the years I have found it difficult to open up to you and Dad about many things. And I can't imagine how frustrating that must be for both of you at times. I just hope you never thought it was because I didn't want to, because I do.

I've been dealing with many obstacles over the last few years... mentally, emotionally, physically. Somehow I always chose to deal with them alone; keeping them hidden and to myself. Unfortunately this often kept me distanced from those around me, even those closest to me. I suppose in a way I've always been like that. And I believe it has made me stronger to realize that I have control of my life. I have the ability to make it better, to change it how I see fit. And though for many years I may not have truly believed it... I know that I have the ability to be happy. And I have done my best to make sure I am.

I want you to know that you don't have to worry so much about me. You did an amazing job raising me... you and Dad both. And I am doing great. I like my life and I would never give it up. I could never ask for better parents, and I have always appreciated everything you two have ever done for me. That will never change.

I love you both much more than you know. And from now on, I will try harder to be better at communicating.

Your only son,
--- Ryan

(P.S. I was totally sober while writing this.)

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Thoughts To Think About # 3

What I do for money is not as important as what I do for others.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007


I know a girl who's full of life
the kind we all should know
who sees the blooming of a rose
before it starts to grow

Her soul is sweet and filled with love
her heart is much the same
her aura glows the brightest white
Natalya is her name

There comes a time in all our lives
when we must follow through
and face our fears with confidence
to do what we must do

Natalya now is struggling
with that she can't control
so this is to remind her
of what really makes her whole

A husband who's in love with her
a rare thing nowadays
two future little beauty queens
who shine in many ways

Her family loves her more than words
and so do all her friends
no matter what the distance is
our friendship never ends

And so for now I wish her luck
with all that lies ahead
I'm sending thoughts of happiness
to her recovery bed

Whatever sound might fill her head
tomorrow or tonight
the colors of this blue-green ball
will never leave her sight

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Last Call

We've been best friends for five years now
...or so I often thought
Believed that you were good for me
but now I know you're not

You tempted me with happiness
no matter true or fake
You soaked up all my sorrow
when it was too much to take

These past few years are lost in time
a distant memory
And all the while I could not feel
the pain you gave to me

Today it seems the time has come
for you and I to part
to wash away the bitterness
and cash-in one more start

Once upon a time
you were the only I adored
but now that time is over
I don't need you anymore