Sunday, February 27, 2005

Pawn-Tunes Make Me Float

The pawn shop. A magical place. A small store stuffed full of wonder. If I were a ballerina, I would totally twirl through that pawn shop with glee... while doing all that fancy tip-toeing shit.

For a music lover such as myself, it's hard to resist the shelves full of CD's nobody wants. An old album you had growing up that escaped your memory? A newer release you never got around to picking up? A hard to find album you've been looking for? You've heard one or two tracks of some obscure band and are curious to hear the entire album? You can find them all here, if you just take the time to look.

This is becoming a hobby of mine. An economic way to expand my ever growing library of music. You can pick up many classic albums, for $3 a piece. Though some of the plastic cases may be cracked, the albums come off as brand new when you put the discs in new cases. I find it interesting that where most people see a collection of useless old CD's, I see timeless joy. Esthero's "Breath From Another", Daft Punk's "Discovery", The Rembrandts's "L.P.", Aaliyah's "One In A Million", R.E.M.'s "Out Of Time", TLC's "CrazySexyCool", Eiffel 65's "Europop"... the list just goes on and on. All are classic albums I would have picked up in a second if I didn't already have them. That aside, I still managed to pick up the following albums that intrigued me for various reasons:
  • Dave Matthews Band - Crash
  • Freedy Johnston - This Perfect World
  • Collective Soul - Dosage
  • Toad The Wet Sprocket - In Light Syrup
  • Fastball - The Harsh Light Of Day
  • D12 - World
  • No Doubt - The Singles 1992-2003 (still sealed)
  • Mono - Formica Blues
  • Adam Sandler - What The Hell Happened To Me?
  • Hooters - One Way Home
  • Fastball - Make Your Mama Proud
  • Fleetwood Mac - Greatest Hits

PLUS... I also got the DVD "Weezer - Video Capture Device", which is a nice collection of many Weezer videos, with live footage and acoustic performances, etc. I got all of this stuff for under $40, which is really cool! I'll try to make it a point to check back every month or so, because stuff shifts around there often, and you never know what you might find.

Well I'm off for now. I'm working on my collection, and I still have much to add. ;)

Saturday, February 26, 2005

The Downward Spiral

he couldn't believe how easy it was
he put the gun into his face
so much blood for such a tiny little hole

problems do have solutions
a lifetime of fucking things up fixed
in one determined flash

everything's blue
everything's blue in this world
the deepest shade of mushroom blue
all fuzzy
spilling out of my head


"The Downward Spiral" by NIN

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The Word

A recollection of a saying isolated itself inside my head.

"In the end, we all will die alone."

An interesting thought, because it's true. Sure, we may leave this world, as we know it, while holding on to the hands of those we love. But following the last breath, there will be an extreme sense of escape. This is a journey we must all take alone. It may not be a very Hallmark-ian thought, but then again, when has this world ever been fair?

If we're all alone in the end anyway, why be afraid of isolation? Why feel lonely? You have you... what else do you need to live? Maybe we kid ourselves with the notion of love. Maybe we strive to be something we can never understand. Love may be the fear of solitude. It never was about the other person. When you love someone, you love them because they make you feel more comfortable in your skin. It's as if by just making eye contact with this person, your own personal planets are aligned. You feel a rush of adrenaline. Your mind empties of thought. And all that is left, is euphoric bliss. It may last just a second, but it feels like an eternity because it replays in your mind, infinitely, in slow-motion. You realize your existance on a level you never knew possible before. But before you can grab onto the sensation, the moment is lost. Your passion, curiousity and desire take over. Who is this person who jump-started my heart? How has nobody claimed this soul for their own yet? You start dreaming. You start obsessing. When obsession collides with possibility, you lose the ability to reason. Your only desire is to be with this person and to make them happy. Forever. Everything else, including life, becomes secondary. You want that feeling back. You want it back, and you want it to last forever. And you will do anything to make this person happy because what they give to you is worth so much more. This is what love is.

Throughout my many experiences and observations, I have heard people claim their love to others hundreds of thousands of times. Do I believe them? I can't honestly say that I've ever noticed "love" on the level it should be. It's always dry and insincere. It is a word that is carelessly thrown around to akknowledge the most pedestrian of emotions. Perhaps, that is what upsets me about it most of all.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Fortune For Me

I had some chinese food tonight. Here's what my fortune cookie told me:

"A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon."

All I want to know is... which store??

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Full Circle

Tick tock, we're counting down
it's time to celebrate
why do we rush to lift our drinks
this world is full of hate


.... why does it seem to be that for reasons yet unknown, life is unfair? Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl likes boy, but still loves her former ex-boy. Boy desperately wants to hold girl and make her happy. Girl calls boy a "freak" and goes to the mall to buy new shoes to impress ex-boy with. Like he gives a shit about shoes...

Isn't it funny, how the world works? Some people eat their pets to stay alive. Others throw a fit when their $80 meal came with the wrong brand of wine. Some people work three jobs just to keep their kid in school. Others have a room full of classic cars and motorcycles. Some turn down five potential lovers each night. Others wait a lifetime without knowing a touch of foreign skin. Some laugh at the world because it's all they have. Others cry with the world... because it's all they have as well.


Somewhere right now...

  • There is an elderly man who misses his wife who died last year.
  • There is a woman holding the body of her five-year-old child who just got hit by a car.
  • A woman doesn't know she just passed her "soulmate" on the street.
  • A mother and father are getting divorced over a silly argument, while a young child blames himself.
  • An amazing two-year old cat is being put to death because nobody wants her.
  • Cows are lining up to get their throats slit.
  • A man just ate his final 'deluxe' cheeseburger.
  • A baby was just born to a smoking mother. It will have serious health problems for the rest of its life.
  • A woman is being violently raped.
  • A young boy just found a gun in his father's closet.
  • An innocent man is being executed.
  • A young boy is being beaten because his father drinks too much.
  • Cancer just claimed some new vicitims.
  • So did AIDS.
  • A constantly bullied child is planning the "ultimate" revenge.
  • A teenage girl just swallowed a bottle full of sleeping pills because she's in love with the wrong person.
  • Someone is taking their last breath while gripping their lover's hand.
  • A man just lost his job because he's not in the company budget anymore.
  • Someone is being beaten to death for their beliefs.
  • A new type of weapon is being developed.
  • A star is going "supernova", destroying everything within its reach.
  • A family is disowning their son because he is gay.
  • A tree is being torn down because it's "in the way".
  • People are being bought and sold.

Somewhere right now... one more person has had enough.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

The Jungle

so many choices
so many ways
if fate were a forest
i would lose my way among the shadows
the manipulating light dances with fury
a tease of hope
I feel you pumping through my veins
yet still i cannot find my core
i resonate full of you
my mind sees a different truth
will these lonely blades of dark green
tower over me forever
can they invite me to the sacred meadow
if i speak up, will nature ban me from its innocence
i have no desire for confliction
i have no need for my dismay
it has expired its use as an empty shell
the discomfort lingers on
the unease penetrates my mind
many possible paths loom in the moonlight
yet i can see only one
it leads me to a place unknown
a place untouched by the thoughts of men
abandoned by reason and tranquility
it is here i reside
here i remain
and it is here i will prevail

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


And so it seems you left me here
with nothing to my name
our road was long; so comfortable
abandoned just the same

i strain to find the feeling
that i once kept full of you
it reaches down so far and deep
i don't know what to do

can life appear so marvelous
as it had once in the past
when the seasons of happiness
were rushing in so fast

it blows my mind to comprehend
the fantasy of high
to know a love that makes me smile
to take a breath and sigh

with steadiness and comfort
i would realize my dreams
i'd grab the stars and bend the light
to fly among the beams

i see you every night and day
but you cannot see me
instead you see delusions
of the thing i wish to be

Tuesday, February 8, 2005


Nevermind the worries
nevermind the lies
In a matter of only hours
I will fly the skies

I will not disregard myself
no need for that, I see
instead I'll think of only
who I'm trying hard to be

I won't be shy, I won't back down
I'll join in all the fun
I won't go home alone again
I'll hang with everyone

So next time you will hear from me
I'll be in cellophane
my life can only elevate
when I step on that plane

Friday, February 4, 2005

High Five

From one music lover to another, here are five random songs that I not only recommend, but also bring more optimism for the future of music:

  • Coldplay - Daylight
  • Missy Elliott (featuring Eve & Tweet) - 4 My People
  • Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming
  • Eminem - Evil Deeds
  • Sir Mix-A-Lot - Big Johnson

Wednesday, February 2, 2005


Sometimes it seems the day looks back on itself and smiles. Sometimes a day will start out with a lot of moaning and shuffling feet, with your eyes closed. And sometimes, that same day will end with you off your feet, and moaning with your eyes closed... but in a much better way.

Though my day didn't end up THAT nice, it was still quite an ascending experience. But enough about my day...

An odd combination of closeness and forbidden normality surrounds me. It's as though I can see my missing pieces on the other side of the glass, but I still cannot reach them without more training. That would put me in a time-proof state of training. It's lonely in here, but I suppose I'm learning quite a bit about life. Someday soon.

Someday soon I will break down the glass wall...