Saturday, February 25, 2017

Elusive Gift

I think one of the main things that keeps me frustrated are the questions I find myself often pondering: What if I have a gift? What could that gift be?

Who's to say I'm not the greatest ice-skater who's ever lived? ... Or a song-writer with the potential to save a million lives? Who's to say I can't bake a cake that a thousand stomachs have longed for? ... Or that I don't have a set of MVP trophies on my mantle in some parallel universe?

How would anybody ever know?

I've never tried those things. ... Or applied myself to those things.

The talent could be there; if I had only tried. But we'll never know. Another wasted opportunity.

I suppose in some way, it never really mattered anyway. In the blink of any given eye, we could be wiped clean by a supernova. Everything we are and everything we have ever known... gone. Returned to the stars.

What would matter then?

Friday, October 7, 2016


Try to take a closer look before you make assumptions about others. What lies on the surface is often very different than what lives in the core. Beauty can hide ugliness. A smile can mask a life-long torment. A laugh can blanket a deep sadness. Envious lives can often be filled with pain and regret. A strong body can hide an inner weakness, just as a weak body can contain more strength than one could ever comprehend...

Sometimes the worst urge we have as social beings to assume we know everything about a person before we even talk to them. We are wrong. One thing I've learned in this world is that people often have a way of surprising you.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Today's Thought

...or if my name was Richard, I would totally strut into my bank holding a handful of ones and fives while excitedly claiming, "I'm rich!!! And I'm here to make a deposit!". Then, when the teller asks me my name, I can say: "I already told you. I'm Rich. Weren't you paying attention just then?".

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Today's Thought

I was just thinking that I'm glad my birth name wasn't "Jimmy Smallwood" or something. If it was, that would have sucked. Then I would have had to go through the process of changing it later in life; probably to something more like "Peter Plentywood".

Friday, August 19, 2016

Stream Of Nonscienceness

A little saké and one tiny edible. That's the shit in me right now. You could say this post will be experimental - a little bit "experi" and a whole lot of "mental".

Well, that and a repressed sense of passion; the likes of which I've never been able to realize or express. I only continue to be plagued by duality. It's something I've been trying to work through with my therapist. After a year, I've come to realize I seem to be like two separate people trapped in the same body. Depending on my mood - or perhaps the moon - I want different things and hold different goals. I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. Sometimes I feel like a child trapped in an adult's body and other times I feel like an adult trapped in a child's body. There are really only a few things I can find that both sides of me have in common.

For one, no matter what my mood, I seem to desire peace. A sense of peace of self; a peace in society; a peace in the world; a peace in the universe... or multiverse... or whatever else. Either way, I just have this overwhelming desire to bring peace to this Earth. I know it's improbable. I know it's futile. I know it's incredibly unlikely... Just let me go on believing in my heart that it's somehow possible. Sometimes that's the only hope I can find.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Within Reach

We all need to find our own way to contribute to this world. Somehow, I feel like my path is just beginning to open up and form something recognizable. My destiny - if there even is such a thing - may actually be within reach.

I've never felt such a thing.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Wants And Needs

It's pretty ridiculous how differently people can view the world while living in the same one. With so many folks out there wanting money; wanting career successes; wanting children, etc, etc, etc... I feel all alone here thinking, "...... I just want to be desired.".