Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The Word

A recollection of a saying isolated itself inside my head.

"In the end, we all will die alone."

An interesting thought, because it's true. Sure, we may leave this world, as we know it, while holding on to the hands of those we love. But following the last breath, there will be an extreme sense of escape. This is a journey we must all take alone. It may not be a very Hallmark-ian thought, but then again, when has this world ever been fair?

If we're all alone in the end anyway, why be afraid of isolation? Why feel lonely? You have you... what else do you need to live? Maybe we kid ourselves with the notion of love. Maybe we strive to be something we can never understand. Love may be the fear of solitude. It never was about the other person. When you love someone, you love them because they make you feel more comfortable in your skin. It's as if by just making eye contact with this person, your own personal planets are aligned. You feel a rush of adrenaline. Your mind empties of thought. And all that is left, is euphoric bliss. It may last just a second, but it feels like an eternity because it replays in your mind, infinitely, in slow-motion. You realize your existance on a level you never knew possible before. But before you can grab onto the sensation, the moment is lost. Your passion, curiousity and desire take over. Who is this person who jump-started my heart? How has nobody claimed this soul for their own yet? You start dreaming. You start obsessing. When obsession collides with possibility, you lose the ability to reason. Your only desire is to be with this person and to make them happy. Forever. Everything else, including life, becomes secondary. You want that feeling back. You want it back, and you want it to last forever. And you will do anything to make this person happy because what they give to you is worth so much more. This is what love is.

Throughout my many experiences and observations, I have heard people claim their love to others hundreds of thousands of times. Do I believe them? I can't honestly say that I've ever noticed "love" on the level it should be. It's always dry and insincere. It is a word that is carelessly thrown around to akknowledge the most pedestrian of emotions. Perhaps, that is what upsets me about it most of all.

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