Monday, January 23, 2006

Vehemence (Chapter 2)

One thing I cant figure out...... these 'nutritional value' charts on the backs of every edible item in the store. I can certainly understand the reason for these charts. I just fail to understand why the serving size never seems to match up with the contents of the item. For instance, I bought a 20-ounce bottle of Sierra Mist today. The chart on the back said it's 100 calories. Fine. But under closer inspection, I noticed it to also say "servings per container: 2.5". And I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck is this about? Did I wander into a fucking math quiz here? I don't feel like trying to figure out some damn mathematical equation right now, I just want a fucking pop!" And why doesn't the chart just say 250 calories in the first place? It would sure save me plenty of brain energy, and time that could be much better spent drinking the goddamn thing. Don't get me wrong, math is cool and everything. But when I'm thirsty, it just blows. How many people really buy a 20-oz bottle of soda, only to drink eight ounces of it? And might I add, if they're on a diet, why the fuck are they drinking soda in the first place?? But it's not just about pop... Apparantly, one serving of Wheat Thins is equal to 11 pieces. Shit, I know people who eat eleven of those mofos in one bite. This chart crap is really stupid. Oh, and that whole daily value percentage thing... well, fuck percentages. Fuck them in their stupid asses; they suck. These charts might as well have some dumb shit about square roots on them too. Your daily diet... good for your body, and your math skills too!

It's like trying to figure out why adult men still wear their caps sideways and crooked. I grew up in an era that had the backwards-cap thing in style, so I can understand that to some degree. Still a tad goofy, sure, but it looks much better than this sideways shit. If only it were legal to take out some of these dumbshits, the world might be a slightly better place. Upon passing someone like this, who is obviously mentally challenged, I cringe to think of said person's skewed version of reality. Is his sideways hat meant to enlighten the rest of us with otherworldy knowledge? Perhaps to salute the great qualities of man and his free will? Or is it to simply say, "Yes people, I am cool and rebellious. Now watch me prove it by rotating my hat 45 degrees to the right of where it's supposed to be. Deal with me now, World." ... I don't get it. But I do know that these guys look like morons. Village idiots who cannot comprehend a simple task, such as putting on a hat. I don't care if P. Diddy does it. That doesn't make it impressive. Besides, that guy's about as butt-cheese as they come.

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