Wednesday, July 5, 2006


  • My license tabs are due to be renewed this month. So I go to get it taken care of online... but no. It gives me some shit about an emissions test not being on file. So I find out I have to go into another town, try to find the emissions place, get the test done during the week (when I'm supposed to be working of course), pay them for it, turn around and come back to my town, try to find the liscensing place here, have them put my new emissions test on file, and pay them even more to get my new stupid fucking little bullshit tabs... And apparently I have to do it within the next two weeks.
  • My computer is still fucked up. I'm so happy that I just renewed my Norton Antivirus Security; barely two months ago. Especially since it didn't bother to protect my computer from the worm/virus/trojan horse I now have. Thank you, Norton. I finally found an email address for customer service and wrote them a few paragraphs. A couple days later I get a note back saying how they can't help me and I need to talk with someone else. So after another wasted hour or so of digging for a different place to write to, I finally find one. So I just wrote it all out again. And I can't wait until I hear how they can't help either...
  • Some of you know that we went up and jammed both days last weekend. We sounded pretty good and did a whole bunch of interesting stuff. We've been really looking forward to hearing the mixes because we think we have some keepers in there. Well, I find out today that the mix was fucked up, even though it checked out fine while we were recording. The bass did not record. The drums are too hot... Basically, nothing turned out good enough to even listen to. Major drag. Next time, perhaps.
  • If you didn't know, Steely Dan is playing in the area later this month. I found out a few weeks back and have really wanted to go. However, it was short notice, and the tickets are $125+. Now normally I'd still go, but I just can't afford that right now. Bad timing. So I held off this time and reminded myself that at least I'll get to see John [Mayer] in late September... Well, tickets for John's show went on sale this morning....... yes, a WEDNESDAY ......... at about 9:00 am.......... which of course is exactly when I start work. Right away, there goes any possibility of me getting a good seat. Why they can't go on sale on a Saturday like they usually do, I'm not sure. But you know what, it doesn't even matter that much anymore. I can't even afford to spend that $100 or so this week either. And now it looks like I won't get to see John this time at all.
  • The Forth of July -- thought of as my favorite day -- was the worst one I can ever remember. Traditionally, I go up to my grandparents' house on the lake to watch the fireworks. Everyone around the lake throws parties and tries to out-do everyone else with the size of their... show. But I didn't even go this year. There's no point when I have to work the next morning. We all know the show doesn't even begin until it gets dark... so how the hell can people actually enjoy it when they're supposed to be going to bed early? I have a personal message for the government: "Hey, how about we give people the Fifth off as well so they can actually enjoy and celebrate the Fourth?!? Oh, and also.... you guys fucking suck sometimes! ... Make that most of the time. But then again, what do you really care? You're getting paid. That's all that matters, right?". *In Money We Trust*

I stress out about things like this all the time. And on top of all of that, I've just been feeling really bad lately. I feel like I did back in April, when everything seemed to fall apart at the same time. It's happening again, and I don't know how to stop it. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it's due to the fact that I don't even feel like drinking anymore. Maybe it's in my void of a career and lack of desire to be stuck doing any one thing. Or maybe it just has to do with the way I routinely cut myself off from the world and fail to understand its people. It's what I do best.

I don't know.

But one thing I do know is that sometimes I'm really fucking tired of life and everything associated with it. It's not supposed to be this complex and tedious.

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