2005 In Review

Posted Dec. 9th, 2004:

My pre-New Year's resolutions list is already blossoming into a full fledged assault. It seems each new day my mind thinks up one more way in which I need to improve. I guess that's just part of growing, and in a way I'm glad I do that. It keeps me always striving to be a better person, and not just a cornball jackoff all the time. Today's "note to self": be more confident. Maybe I could if I weren't so fucking stupid.

...I've also been selling a few things on ebay lately. This is all part of that "downsize my life" project that will carry over well into next year (one of the major resolutions). I will be more specific about my resolutions as they come up throughout the year, but for now I'll just give you a glimpse of what might be in store for me in 2005 (for those of you who actually care): much improved guitar skills, better upper-body build, permanently applied body ink, a surgery or two, confidence boosting mind-set, promiscuity, two+ vacations, more sleep, less worry, more blog posting :), more concerts, expanded music variety and library, improved intellect, make new friends, reconnect broken ties to certain things that made me happy as a kid, and most importantly...more fun!

Where to start? I have my ideas. In fact, many are already in the works. One more month left to go until it's time to show myself what I can do. 2005 will be mine... oh yes, it will be mine. *sadistic grin*

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I find it interesting to look back one year, though it hardly seems that long ago. Let's see how I actually did this year...

• Downsizing - I sold a few things I no longer need, and gave away others. My stack of posessions has shrunk a bit, but not near enough. Currently I have a couple different boxes of things I will be giving away, whether to Goodwill or people I know that can use them. This goal will remain in progress throughout 2006.
• Guitar/Instrument skills - Although I don't feel I was able to practice near as much as I'd like to have, I did improve a bit on the guitar. Learned a few new songs and parts of others, and my fingers seem more comfortable on the frets now. And I will also mention that I've improved dramatically on the drums. Plus, I feel more comfortable singing now. I even tried karaoke one night this last year... something I never thought I'd be able to do.
• Upper-body - Still working on this one. I slacked off quite a bit, although during this last week or so, I've been doing much better. This will also be one of my main focuses in '06.
• Tattoo(s) - I did not end up getting a tattoo like I wanted. I would still like to get one (or three), but I've decided it's not a priority right now. So I'm pushing it back to a later time, when I get some more important things taken care of first.
• Surgeries - Of the two proposed surgeries I had planned, I actually did go through with one of them (the vasectomy). The other - LASIK - will have to come at a later time; also a low-priority goal. And anyway, due to my large pupils, I have to wait a few years for the Wavefront laser technology to be more effective.
• Confidence - Admitedly, it has been quite shaken recently. I'm still having many social issues, and I'm going to have to work extra hard just to get to the point others my age are already at. This one is a major struggle for me. Yet still, it's improving exponentially.
• Women - 2005 brought me some positives - as well as negatives - in this area. I probably went on more dates this year than I have in my entire life combined. I've gained much more experience in many aspects. And although I dated/hung out with about five different women this year, nothing much really came of them for one reason or another. I've found myself to be very incompatible with the average woman, so it seems to be a matter of finding those rare chicks that I actually have something in common with. One positive note is that thanks to MySpace, I'm having much better luck now getting to know people and making some friends.
• Vacations - I did not meet the goal of "two+ vacations". I did, however, get to go to Hawaii for the first time in February. And aside from the whole ER incident, it was a fun time. I also was able to escape to Idaho for a couple days in May which I thouroughly enjoyed. But I never made it to Vegas this year. Might not for awhile...
• Sleep - I did make a conscious effort to get to bed earlier on weeknights, and I noticed a difference not just in my mood, but in my overall health. I will continue to apply this effort in the future.
• Worrying - I also did finally learn to let go of many things that typically trouble me, and I learned not to care as much about other generally unimportant things. Obviously this works into these other goals as well...
• Writing - I noticed that I had 100+ blogs this year, so I'm pretty happy about that. I didn't write everyday, but I feel like most of the major events worth talking about were recorded somewhere within these archives. I also feel like I've really been developing a style and vocabulary throughout the year. I now enjoy writing very much.
• Concerts - I did well with this goal. I couldn't have asked for much more than I experienced. I was lucky enough to see three of my favorite artists/bands for the first time this year (two of them back-to-back). Early in the year, I got to check out Esthero in a small club... always wanted to see her. I also took in a couple different Beatles tribute bands, Rain (again) and The Fab Four. The concert year only got better in September, with Wayne and I getting to see Nine Inch Nails for the first time (our collective favorite). Then, just over a month later I went with my parents to see [Sir] Paul McCartney. Both concerts were unreal! I did also want to see - but had to pass up due to money issues - Coldplay in August and Fiona Apple in November. The funny thing about that is that they are now touring together and are returning in January, for which I already have my ticket. :)
• Music - I have also discovered many new great songs and artists I had never before heard of. My mp3/CD collections are growing quickly and are both continuing to expand in broadness.
• Intellect - I feel almost like a different person. That guy you knew before was T-model prototype Ryan. I am new and improved, with greater efficiency and a much faster processor. And I am fully functional... in multiple techniques. hehe Put more simply, I am evolving.
• Childhood Ties - Giving in to the urge of nostalgia has been somewhat of a breakthrough for me this last year. I refused to apologize for my loyal TMNT upbringing. Bought a few DVD's of some 80's movies I loved as a child (Labyrinth, The Adventures Of Milo & Otis, etc...). Even devoting more time to the video games that practiacally rasied me needs to be mentioned. In games, I feel I have alienated a good friend as of late. They make me happy, so why not give them more attention? It makes sense.
• Fun - Although I may have looked forward to certain kinds of events and activities to have taken place much more often this past year, I will not even begin to show any disappointment. I am happy about how 2005 turned out. I consider it to be my most productive year to date. Many random memories throughout the year will stick with me forever, as there were some wonderful times scattered around within it. No regrets...

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Among the other things I haven't mentioned yet, I started a new job this year as well. The old one was slowly driving me insane, so I eventually quit and found one that's only a couple blocks away from my place. It's not just all that time I've saving... but gas money as well. :) In fact, I've even been working another job on the side. I help my dad on a few Sundays, doing some finish work and installing hardware packages in new housing developments. It's only for a few hours at a time but the pay is great (and under the table). So it's a great opportunity to throw that extra money directly into my Roth IRA account I started this year... one more thing I'm happy to have done.

Baby steps. I am honestly very proud of myself for sticking to many of these goals, and for doing my best to always keep them in the back of my mind when making everyday choices. As I mentioned before, I am already much more confident in myself and my future. And as I see it, it's all uphill from here...

Here's to a great 2006, everyone! :)