Thursday, June 30, 2005

Do you ever...?

  • ... have someone cut in front of you in traffic? They are such an asshole for doing that, aren't they? But then you cut in front of someone like they did to you, and the person YOU cut off is the asshole because they didn't let you in sooner.
  • ... smell something good for a second and think it was you? So you smell yourself expecting a pleasant experience, but then you realize it wasn't you at all. You actually smell like dog shit.
  • ... understand the whole vampire thing? These people are dead, but they can live forever. They are sometimes said to morph into or from bats. They can see, even though bats are blind. How does that work? And can they drink all different blood types or does it just depend on the individual vampire's tastes? Then again, they're dead anyway so why do they need to feed?
  • ... wonder how the Bee Gees reach those unbelievably high notes without having someone clobber their testicles with a hammer first?
  • ... look at excrement and think about how someone had just paid to eat that?
  • ... stop to think just how amazing the technology of a telephone is? Your voice is turned into soundwaves which travel through hundreds of miles of cables in a split second, then transformed back into your actual voice within the recipient's phone. Don't even get me started on cellular phones and the whole satellite thing...
  • ... wonder what happened to that Micro Machines guy who could talk super fast?
  • ... talk to your boss for awhile and just nod along to everything he/she says. But throughout the entire conversation, all you can think about is how much of a stupid fuck this person you're talking to is?
  • ... wonder what it's like to make love to your hot cousin? If yes, which part of Arkansas are you from?
  • ... create an original melody or hook, only to hear someone else put it on their album. So you either insist on taking co-writing credit for that song, or you learn to despise that artist for stealing your material?
  • ... wonder why they chose to build Mount Rushmore in South Dakota? Someone at one point had to say "let's build it in South Dakota"... And what the fuck was wrong with that person?
  • ... watch cartoons on Saturday morning and feel like kid again, even if it's just for a half-hour?
  • ... wonder how many people are going at it on your hotel floor at any given time?
  • ... wonder how many people died today, and what their lives were like?
  • ... develop a crush on a fictional character? Then you fantasize about meeting the real-life version of that character, but you know in the back of your mind that it'll never happen?
  • ... insist that certain songs were written specifically for you?
  • ... pretend to open automatic sliding doors by waving your hand, as if The Force was at your command?
  • ... play Chutes & Ladders? I hate that big fucking chute that takes you back to the beginning. I ALWAYS land on it!
  • ... answer your own phone by saying "Domino's Pizza, this is Tim"? It's even funnier if you're a chick.
  • ... wonder how you want to die someday?
  • ... think about that best friend you haven't talked to since third grade, and wonder where they are now and what they're doing?
  • ... play out, in your head, your life in a parallel universe where you had gotten the courage to talk to the beautiful stranger?
  • ... wonder why MTV doesn't seem to have much to do with music anymore?
  • ... wake up from a deep sleep and not immediately remember where you are?
  • ... get laid? Apparantly you'd rather sit here and read my stupid blog.

1 comment:

  1. I must disagree with the first one. I don't mind if people cut me off, if they do it appropriately (meaning - signal, zip over, then step on it). What pisses me off is when they cut me off then go 2.3 mph. That's rude AND dangerous.