The New State Mottos

Inspired by Jedi Master Carlin's old routine about some of the goofy license plate mottos we have in this country, I have taken it upon myself to come up with new ones. How much better this country would be if only we had more accurate state mottos on our plates. So here are my suggestions:

• Alabama - "Most of the people who look at this plate can't read it anyway."
• Alaska - "If you are reading this, you are probably cold."
• Arizona - "We don't have to change our clocks twice a year, so there."
• Arkansas - "You're in Arkansas. Our condolences..."
• California - "Welcome to California. Try not to die in a violent earthquake."
• Colorado - "Home of the mile-high club. And John Elway is a pimp."
• Connecticut - "We're bigger than Rhode Island."
• Delaware - "Our citizens are nice people. Both of them."
• Florida - "Our nation's pecker. Mother nature likes to blow us."
• Georgia - "We can eat peaches for hours."
• Hawaii - "We have our own language. We rule."
• Idaho - "Enjoy beautiful Idaho. Have some tater tots. Hump a goat or two."
• Illinois - "Home of Chicago... and some other stuff too."
• Indiana - "Watch out for race cars."
• Iowa - "We are corny. And so is our state motto."
• Kansas - "Visit your friends in Kansas. Tornados welcome."
• Kentucky - "We fry chickens and ride horses. Then we beat them with baseball bats."
• Louisiana - "Be careful a huge freaky misquito don't kill your ass."
• Maine - "Lobsters are neat. That Martha Stewart is kind of a bitch though."
• Maryland - "This license plate was made by one of our criminals."
• Massachusetts - "We love the Sox and chowda. (Yankees, eat a dong.)"
• Michigan - "Our sports teams usually suck. But we make lots of cars."
• Minnesota - "We have lakes. Lots of them."
• Mississippi - "Welcome to Mississippi. If you're not white though, go away."
• Missouri - "Our river is bigger than yours. So is our arch."
• Montana - "Our sky is big, but not as big as our appetite for sheep fucking."
• Nebraska - "We're just plain flatter than a ten-year-old boy."
• Nevada - "Bring your money, we have hookers."
• New Hampshire - "We don't know where the old Hampshire is, so don't ask."
• New Jersey - "We like to pretend we're New York."
• New Mexico - "Come to New Mexico. Burn your anus off. Make it raw."
• New York - "We're the center of the universe. Everyone else sucks."
• North Carolina - "We're on James Taylor's mind. That counts for something."
• North Dakota - "We're hoping to get electricity soon."
• Ohio - "We like to fuck over the rest of the country during elections."
• Oklahoma - "We're north of Texas."
• Oregon - "If you're still reading this plate, you're lucky. Our drivers will kill you."
• Pennsylvania - "Our football team is named accurately. We 'steal' victories."
• Rhode Island - "More like a village than a state."
• South Carolina - "Even we don't care about our state."
• South Dakota - "Mount Rushmore is neat. Watch out for crazy bikers."
• Tennessee - "Elvis was here. Marc Cohn also walked here before he got shot in the face."
• Texas - "We're the greatest country in the nation."
• Utah - "The best place to find a wife... or six."
• Vermont - "We're basically New Hampshire Pt II."
• Virginia - "At least we're not West Virginia."
• Washington - "Our teams suck harder than Michigan's. Try not to get killed by a volcano."
• West Virginia - "We don't know why Virginia hates us so much."
• Wisconsin - "Laverne & Shirley did it. Now you can too!"
• Wyoming - "Or more simply, just why?... "