Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Welcome To My Head

You know when you get in an elevator, and you go to press the button and it lights up? Well, I always feel like I just passed through a magic portal and somehow ended up in the 'Billie Jean' video. And everytime the elevator doors close and I'm all alone in there, I get the sudden urge to thrust-kick the air in front of me and grab my shit. Is that just me? Because I'd totally moonwalk all over too, but c'mon... it's a frickin' elevator. There's just no room for that.

Why do really old people smell like Fruit Loops? Has anyone else noticed this? I like to think that if I even made it to that age, I'd at least smell like Cinnamon Toast Crunch or something. I used to love that shit. But I never really cared for those three cartoon chef goons in the commercials. I thought they were jerkoffs... Besides, do chefs really make cereal anyway? Shit, how hard can it be?! Buy a box of the shit at the store, grab a spoon and bowl and a pour some milk in the fucker. That's some culinary magic right there.

And speaking of imaginary chefs... does anyone else think that the Keebler elves are kinda creepy? I mean they seem nice, sure... but how do we really know what they're putting in our cookies? Should we be trusting a bunch of overly chirpy midgets who live together in a tree? Think about that for awhile...

I was telling a friend one time about the band ZZ Top. I grew up watching their videos on MTV. They are famous for having really long beards. And I had brought up the point that the one guy who never had a beard in those videos was the drummer. His name is Frank Beard...

I still think that's fucking funny.

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