Reality

I try to pretend my bed is warm
I pretend your whispers caress my ear
your smile infects me
and your eyes pierce into my soul
but the truth is apparant
you are only a figment of my imagination
an unrealistic desire
a boyhood fantasy lost in the circuits of time
i carried you through, and in turn you dragged me down
clinging only to the hope i had of you
i know now
i know you will never have me
you will never have me, just as i will never know you
shall i end this struggle?
or keep at it still?
when the possibilities once made me feel
this question was surely absurd
if there is a new beginning following the end
perhaps i will meet you there
but until then, i will keep searching
not just in my determination to find a purpose
but to finally convince myself that i know nothing