Saturday, August 27, 2005

If Only

It's funny.

I just can't describe how funny this world works sometimes. I went out tonight. Not to Jen's as usual. I went out to the bars (barS... as in, plural). Were there chicks around? Yes, of course there were. It's the first Friday I've gone out in a LONG time! In fact, I've almost forgotten what it's like...

Now you may be thinking "where is he going with this?". Well, let me tell you. I went out, and hardly talked to a soul. From around 8p to 2a... I hardly talked to anyone. I was just at the bar, downing one Bacardi & Coke after another. I believe I ended up having seven of them tonight (two of them being Bacardi on the rocks). Seven drinks, and still not a word to any females.

Enter the funny part.

I wasn't that interested in ANY of the women I saw tonight. Sure, some of them were hot. Sure, some of them had great bodies. Sure, I would probably find most of them absolutely awesome if I talked a while with them. But I didn't really care at all. Let them flirt with their hot guy friends. I don't give a shit anymore. It's not worth it.

So here I am, home alone once again... and drunk. Now, most of you know by now that I believe people's true feelings leak out when they've been drinking. I am not an exception.

I feel like the possibility is there. The reason I don't care. Could it be? The reason I don't care is because I may have already found my other half? The missing cornerstone of my existance? I can't help but wonder about this. Do I already know her? What if I don't treat her correctly?? Knowing how horrid I am dealing with women, it scares me to think how easily I might drive her away before realizing the truth here. How devastating it would be...

Tonight, all I thought about, was her... and how much I wish she would have been there with me.

If only the world was fair...


  1. gosh.. i just hope you find what you're really want and what you're looking for, cause i know you deserve so much more.

    it always hurts me to see you like this.

  2. chin up ryan...and know that i think of you often during the day (in a non-stalker way of course...tee hee...i'm crazy, not psychotic)...everytime i drive by a taco bell...or hear a john mayer song...or play zelda on the always come into my thoughts...i wish nothing but the best for you...and hope you find her soon...hang in there...*hugs* ro :)