Dear Liz,

You are an incredible person. For the past few years, I've known you only through your brother. All that changed not more than two weeks ago, when you and I shared a Sunday night. No one else. Just you and me at that infamous bar. We drank...... a lot. We talked even more. You told me your secrets and I shared my raw feelings with you. We laughed and joked. We ate those free hot wings they gave us. We went over our plans to be roommates in August. You told me how excited you were, but also how scary it all was. I understood and comforted you the best way I could. I even held your hand as you cried. And I assurred you I will do everything I can to make August a new beginning. Then I hugged you...

Throughout the night, I came to realize how brilliant you truly are. Unlike any other girl I've known. And hilarious as well (when you want to be). I told you how much you reminded me of your brother. You considered that to be the best compliment anyone has ever given you. But I was just being honest... you do remind me so much of him. It's in the way you talk, the way you articulate, and how you express your frustration with the world. It's even in your sharp wit and pessimism. But it's funny how I've never noticed that amazing smile before... perhaps you don't do it often enough.

On our way home, we sang along to some great jazz, each impressed that the other knew the songs. And as I crashed at your place, in your brother's old room, you talked a bit more with me. We soon said our goodnights, and I told you, "come here". And as I hugged you again - this time for much longer - I whispered into your ear, "everything is going to be alright". When we finally let go of each other, I said to you, "You take care of yourself, alright?". It was a night that will stick with me forever. And I've been very much looking forward to us becoming close friends, as well as roommates in the very near future.




Today, your brother called me to tell me the news. It seems they found you in a hotel room this morning somewhere in Spokane. You killed yourself last night...



I feel lost right now. In fact, at this very moment everything seems surreal to me. It hasn't quite hit me yet, but I know it soon will in force. There's so much I want to say, but no words escape my mouth. Your brother and I are completely devastated, as I told you we would be if this were to ever happen. But he has his own stuff to tell you, so I'll only speak as myself....

I will miss you. More than you know. And I consider myself incredibly lucky to have known you, even if just for a short while. You were amazing, beautiful, unique and funny. I consider you a great friend, and special to me in many ways. Lately, I've even begun to think of you as somewhat of the sister I've never had. I took it upon myself to help your brother look out for you. And exactly that, I was going to do. I know we were going to be the best of friends. I just know it... But now you're gone. And all we have left is the memory of that special night.

Thanks for everything... for letting me know you.

I love you.

I love you and I will never fucking forget you. This I promise...


Your friend,
---Ryan