Saturday, October 6, 2007

Guitar Fucking

Guitar fucking is a very important thing. All the great guitarists out there do it. In fact, in order to officially reach legendary guitarist status, you must master the art of fucking people hard in their ears... with only your guitar. It's not easy, but it sounds really good.

Angus does it. Jimi did it. Eddie, Stevie Ray, Eric, Chuck, Jimmie, Tommy, Joe, David, Pete and Slash have all had their turns. Hell, even some of the young Johnnys out there - Mayer and Lang most notably - have already displayed audiological guitar intercourse at its finest. It's here to stay for awhile, folks.

It starts off with a good hook. That's the key. You must immediately grab the attention of your crowd and seduce them. That's what being a lead guitarist is all about; making love to your audience with melody. To a great guitarist, there is no greater state of mind. You can tell. A guitar solo is like sex to these people. It just feels so good to them that words will never suffice. Why do you think they always make those funny faces during solos? Did you ever even wonder? I'll tell you why. They make those faces because they are invisibly shooting their melody into your earhole. And all you do is beg for more. That's power at its finest. So if you think about it, it's no wonder why everyone wants to be a rockstar...

Some people will always say that music is just music. I will never agree with that. Because for me, and millions of others out there like me, music can be anything you want. It can be everything.

All you have to do is keep the melody alive.

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