Friday, March 30, 2007

Rain, Rain, Go Away (And Take Your Friends With You Today)

American Idol

Will you please go away? Stop torturing me with this nonsense. I don't give a shit about any of these people at all! Or where they're from, what their criminal history is, who they're fucking this week, why they got booted from the show... I give less than a shit about any of it and I wish it would just go away.

Besides, we need to have the media concentrate more on school shootings, family killings, child raping and abductions, animal torturing, religious war, environmental pollution, and the threat of worldwide bio-terrorism. You know, all the really great contributions from humanity.

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline

Why are these people still making headlines? Is the average person's life so bankrupt that they need to live vicariously through others? How sad that is...

Britney reminds us time and time again how to be a moronic white-trash psychotic. I never had the impression that she was a bright individual, but honestly... is she actually losing points from her double-digit IQ every week? Perhaps she should take a lengthy timeout from her publicity-whore tactics (of which she no doubt learned from Madonna), to regroup and begin some intense therapy. And to 'K-Fed'... dude, they're called condoms. Check them out sometime when you're not busy being a dumbshit. They might help you to not have four bastard children with two different women running around. (Or whatever the tally is up to these days...)

Paris Hilton

If I haven't said it yet, congratulations for becoming famous for having a rich daddy. Maybe you should set aside a few of those dollars and take a couple driving classes. How the fuck did you get a driver's license in the first place?! Oh yeah, I almost forgot. You're rich.

By the way, I did see that video just out of curiosity, and I can't help wondering if you're as boring in person as you are in bed. You're not even that hot, so enough with the glamour-shot posing whenever a camera is in your face.

Sean Combs (a.k.a. "P. Diddy" / a.k.a. "Puffy")

Dude, you're not as cool as you think you are. Rich, sure... but not cool. And what's with all the jewelry?! And the fact that you throw a huge birthday party for yourself every year? Are you really that much of an egomaniac? Do me a favor and ask someone how to properly wear a cap. You look like an idiot when you wear them sideways. Also, you may be a decent producer but your rapping sucks balls, man. If I were you I'd stay on the other side of the sound-proof glass. Then again, I wouldn't be buying fur either. ... Ass.

Oh and one more thing... how about you just pick a fucking name and stick with it!

Ann Coulter

Now, I don't often use the "c-word" in everyday vocabulary, but Ann Coulter is a fucking cunt. I just can't think of a more accurate word to describe her.

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