Thursday, March 15, 2007

In The Corner

There is something you may not yet know about me...

One thing I fear the most is the experience of feeling stupid. I grew up with that very experience time and time again, and I believe it had a huge part in shattering my self confidence as a young teenager. There is nothing worse to me than feeling like an idiot, and over the years that is exactly what has guided me to be smarter than I am. I know much more today than I did even five years ago. At 27 I now have the mentality of an average 45-year-old; the wisdom of the average 60-year-old. I have finally reached the point where I can feel security in my intellectual abilities, even if just a little bit. I can finally begin to build up my long-devastated confidence. I am in this process now, but it has come with a hefty price. My internal need to evolve seems to have cost me a normal adolescence... a normal social resumé... normal experiences...

More simply, my fear has cost me a normal life.

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