The Night Before Christmas (The Lost Version)

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house
stood three german guys: Lars, Johan & Klaus
I asked them their reason for visiting me
they stood there while winking and grinning with glee
I knew in my heart, as Klaus chugged a beer
that I would not fancy my present this year
he slammed down his bottle and threw up the sash
and told me to squat down on Johan's moustache
My eyes wide in terror, I looked on to Lars
who happened to now hold three Vaseline jars
I couldn't believe things had gotten this weird
Johan grinned at me gayly while stroking his beard
I shut my eyes tightly and began to pray
"Dear Lord, make these creepy-ass fucks go away."
Just then rang the doorbell, again and again
Lars opened the door to find Yoda and Ben
The Green One delivered, in dramatic flair
the following sentence to give them a scare
"Too bad, for I sense so much evil in you,
think it's time for your shit to get fucked up, I do..... yes."
He lunged at the three men who shared in the crime,
said Ben looking nervous, "We haven't much time."
The sabers came out for a second or two
with roars of sharp humming and blurs of green-blue
Three bodies stood lifeless, then fell to the floor
Ben turned away quickly and waved at the door
The door locked up tightly with help from The Force
They both looked at me as my voice had turned hoarse
"Thank you so much! How can I repay..."
Before I could finish, here's what Ben had to say...
"Worry not, my young friend. Why don't you join me?
I foresee the great Jedi you someday will be."
Yoda faced Ben and then gave a big sigh,
opened the door and looked to the sky
"Many trials await on this path you may choose."
"I can't wait!", I said. "I've got nothing to lose."
They looked at each other with nodding consent
and away on my life-changing journey I went
It's funny sometimes how the pieces will fall...
I got what I wanted this year after all.