Saturday, December 2, 2000


They say that you're most honest when you're drunk. Well I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sure I am. I'm drunk right now. And right now, I want to ask Cody out. I'm not sure if that means I really should ask her out or what, but I don't think it would be so bad. She's so sweet, and I love looking in her gorgeous eyes when I talk with her. There's just something about her... I don't even know what it is. It just makes me want to keep staring into her eyes to see what she'll say next. And the whole Moscow thing... what the hell? She has been to her grandparents' house just down the block from where I grew up many times? That's almost too coincidental don't you think? I'm just so tired of being alone. I think Cody and I would really get along well. We seem to have a lot in common. If anything, maybe I could make her happy for a couple dates.... if you even want to call them dates. I want to just go up to her and say "Hey Cody, so when are when are we going out? It doesn't even have to be a date. I just want to get to know you better. That's all I know. I want to buy you dinner and find out if we really have as much in common as I think we do. If you don't think we do, fine... but it's worth a try. If I can just find someone to spend my time with, it would all be worth it. If you don't think it should be you, that's totally cool. I totally understand. But otherwise, I want to at least want to give a try." Who knows what can happen? Nobody does unitl I try. It's still hard for me to get Liz out of my head. I know it's been way too long. And I don't know what to do about it. I've tried forgetting, I really have. I just can't. It's like I'll always be in love with her or something. And I don't know how to deal with it. I really don't. I wish I could get over her, I really do. Every day I wonder why she turned me down. Was it because of my whole outlook on school? Was it because of religion? I honestly would prefer to think it was because she just didn't find me attractive. If religion was the only keeping her and I apart, I could never forgive religion for that. If there is a god, I say FUCK HIM.... or HER. I don't give a shit what it is, but fuck it! She was so important to me. She was my life... what I had of one anyway. I figure if there was a god, he/she would want to get as many people to believe as he/she could, so Liz would have been mine. Because if she had been, I honestly would have believed. And if there is really a god, he/she would have known that.

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