Definitions

Joy is watching the Mariners win the World Series, then collecting all the money I won from bets.

Jealousy is hearing about Brad Pitt and how "sexy" he is.

Sorrow is knowing that I will probably outlive my family.

Loneliness is realizing you've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend, and you're 82 years old.

Desire is a cop driving by a doughnut shop.

Ecstasy is winning a $100 million lottery, then going home to spend a passionate evening with your good-looking wife/husband.

Love is sending roses for no apparant reason.

Guilt is slamming into a deer on the highway, then watching the carcass roll several times.

Hate is watching an arrogant jerk date the love of your life.

Hope is when she/he smiles when you walk by.

Boredom is watching the ants on the sidewalk mate with each other.

Paranoia is being trapped in a small cave, along with 40 tarantulas.

Success is acheiving all your goals, and being happy with your life.

Thrill is watching your favorite team in the playoffs.

Depression is a bottomless pit you can't find your way out of.

Bitterness is when you have an invention idea, but someone else starts a company with it and makes a fortune.

Security is not having to impress people to feel better about yourself.

Urge is when you want to beat the living piss out of a bully, but you don't want to sink to his level.

Greed is otherwise known as 'Money'.

Longing is like shorting, only longer.

Fear is the thought of growing up alone and bitter.

Anxiety is when you're in the middle of a Los Angeles traffic jam, and you're constipated.

Selfishness is killing a living creature just to improve your own self-esteem.

Failure is finding the girl/guy of your dreams, but no matter what you do, you can't get her/his attention.