Better Things

Today I played my guitar like I should everyday. I played and played. And when I was done, I played some more. Have you ever seen 'Happy Gilmore'? I feel the urge to quote the little old lady in the old folks' home when she says "My fingers hurt". Of course when I say it, Ben Stiller (in a goofy disco-mustache) doesn't give me any landscaping duty. Anyway... so I'm working on what I like to call a "quadro-shit-ton" of songs currently. Among those I almost figured out tonight is "Quiet" by John Mayer. This is my favorite track off his 'Inside Wants Out' album. I'm excited to get this one down. :)



This weekend went well. I went out to a new bar. Okay you technical bastard... so the bar itself isn't new. My experience of going there, however, is. For whatever reason, I decided to try out the "pull-tabs" I always see but never give a thought to. With five dollars worth of tickets, I ended up winning $69 (good number by the way)! So of course I was all "oh hell yeah!"... then I ate some fries, drank, and played great music on the juke box thingie (think Hendrix's "The Wind Cries Mary", Clapton's "Old Love" unplugged, and Radiohead's "Street Spirit(Fade Out)", etc).



Nothing much else new. I'm happy to report my uber-suck-ass week ended with some random high notes. Next week's life is looking to improve...

[untitled]

tonight marks a first

the final stand made

no turning back

guilt

guilt like never before

three years of life

gone in an instant

comfort no more

only sorrow

sorrow and loss

is this what i want?

it must be

no turning back now

it is done

my first was dismissed in seconds

tears soak my shirt

eyes run in redness

i cannot love

i wish no one to love me

i know nothing

love is but a word

an abstract idea

i do not deserve existance

take me away

and heal all that i cause

Silence

So it seems you've gone away
and left me here alone
No post-it note of reasoning
No message on my phone

Your things are gone; our room is bare
You took the mattress too
But I don't mind because
I won't be sleeping without you

The soothing voice; familiar touch
are nowhere to be found
My eyes now sting; my knees give out
as I fall to the ground

I wish for life to take me back
to times of happiness
when you and I were ignorant
in juvenile bliss

I cannot bear these thoughts of mine
I'm searching for a knife
Living on without you here…
I do not want this life

A deadly blade now in my hands
I grip it steadily
The tip is poking in my chest
One thrust will set me free

I shove the knife with all my might
The rest is just a blur
A tunnel with angelic light
and thoughts of who we were

I'm sleeping now so silently
with not a breath of air
wherever I may end up now
I know you'll meet me there

A scream is heard as I sit up
With sweat among my brow
I hear you moaning half asleep
..... you are with me now

I can't explain my first nightmare
since I was nine or ten
But this one thing I know for sure
I'll not lose you again

Ante

today i am ill
though not in a physical sense
my life is a card game
what to do?
fold this mediocre hand i've been dealt?
make my idle way through on a weak bluff?
sometimes i cannot bear to take that chance
sometimes i cannot imagine the card i may draw
in a world full of poker faces
i am the one who sneaks a grin
there can be no pair here
only half of one forever
i have aced myself out of happiness
the deck offers no help
i should hold on to my chips
but i still have more to play
i am not done yet
i am still at the table

Fallacy

you told me you loved me
and all i could see
was this perfect soul
who was falling for me

you told me you loved me
and i didn't mind
the thought of us destined
to be intertwined

you told me you loved me
but i should have known
the true thoughts in your head
had never been shown

you told me you loved me
i didn't think twice
love was the currency
i paid the price

you told me you loved me
but stupid, was i
for thinking that you
were as honest as i

you told me you loved me
but deep in your eyes
i noticed that it was
just one of your lies

you told me you loved me
...well i loved you too
it's time that you realize
that i can lie too

you tell me you love me
...so far i have stayed
but this time around
i will not be afraid

Juxtaposition

Am I the only one who doesn't care anymore? Or am I the only one who cares too much?

Am I slowly going insane? Or am I the last drop of sanity in this river of life?

Do I have the ability to prioritize? Or is life not the gift it seems?

Is logic the foreign concept it seems? Or is it irrelevant altogether?

Is common sense a rarity among us? Or do we all hide it away?

Are we as stupid as I think? Or am I the stupid one for thinking it?

Today's Pic