Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Twenty Years

Feeling good today... Although I still feel like I constantly have so much to do, I'm beginning to piece together a new approach to my life; trying hard to focus on one minor thing at a time. For as long as I can remember, the world has been beyond overwhelming for me to be a part of. So much to take in... so much to learn...... so much to do. I think about the rest of my life - however long that may be - and I imagine all the things I will someday know. Things that my 2015 brain can't even yet comprehend. I think about these possibilities and it makes me smile.

Twenty years ago, I was secretly suicidal; wanting and waiting to die. My world was beyond dark. To put it more simply, I was lost.

But I'm still here. Fighting. I've given everything I have to crawl up and reach the sunlight. And now? ......... Now, I love my life and the moments of beauty I can find in it. I don't want to die anymore. I mean, I know I still will someday, but I've already made my peace with that. It doesn't scare me at all. I am determined more than ever to enjoy each moment while I am lucky enough to have that opportunity.

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