Thursday, August 3, 2000
Nothing has changed. Everything is the same. Still hate life. How can I care anymore? How can I expect myself to care? The highlight of my day is checking the mail. That and going to bed. I dred waking up. Sometimes I wish I never would. I don't have a girlfriend. And you know what? I don't care. Fuck it. Like I give a shit. I don't need that kinda shit in my life. I've always been alone, and it's fine with me. I'm fine with it. I'm sick of everyone talking about their "boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives/partners....blah blah blah...etc". Who gives a shit? Do I care? Good for you, but just because that's what you want, don't think it has to affect me. Live your life however you want to. Just leave me out of it. The last thing I need right now is people coming up to me asking me what I'd do in their place. I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to do. How the hell am I supposed to make other people's decisions as well? I don't need that. I really don't need that. I'm tired of all this shit. Nothing matters anymore. The whole thing with Liz is over. I don't even think about much anymore. Fine with me. I give less than a shit about all that. School? Fuck it. I couldn't care less. I must really be different than most guys. It seems like they're all "oh look at her tits" and staring at any girl. Not me. I don't give a shit. Oooooh wow, a girl.....you don't see that very often. Especially since there are only about 3.2 billion of them. Well I'm getting tired. Just took three buspar pills. Getting kinda light-headed. It's really sad when the most exciting thought of my day is that I might actually dream that night... though I usually don't.
Posted by Ryan at 9:29 PM