Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Incomplete Ramblings of a Curious Being

I feel like my home is ablaze. I'm watching the fire swallow everything that I care about. The heat consumes the goodness underneath as smoke covers our future with a blanket of darkness. Is it at all coincidental that as I write this, rain begins to spill over me?

We are told we have freedom. We are told we have liberty. We are told that life is special; that we are each unique and important in this world. We are also told that God is alive and well, and he watches all that we do. He created us, He loves us, He is all forgiving, He is all knowing, all powerful... We are told to make love, not war. We are told that the true enemy is within.

Too many questions. No answers. Why do we go on believing the words of others while never questioning them? Why doesn't God show himself? Why won't he show me that he exists? He knows I am open-minded. He knows I would believe, and would become his most loyal supporter. Why would he deny me the love of a Christian years ago, which no doubt would have cemented my future as a Christian myself? Why does he claim to love me, but threaten to send me - his own child - to Hell... a place of eternal suffering and torture? And what does that say about him as a father?

None of this makes any sense to me. If he knows whether or not I truly believe, what is the point of going to church? If he already knows my thoughts and intentions, why pray? Do I expect him to alter his Divine Plan for me anyway? How arrogant of me... Why would he make my friends want to kill themselves? Why put them through that? His own children? In fact, why create misery or suffering or death or torture or pain in the first place? This is truly the most benevolent being in our universe? I don't get it.

Can someone please explain this to me?

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