Randomaciousness

I recently told someone close to me the following:

"I'm not afraid of dying, but sometimes I'm afraid of living."

Somehow, after all this time, I find myself in somewhat of a comfort zone. New adventures wait on the horizon. New situations. New emotions...

A new life.

If you knew the thoughts going through my head right now, you might still be surprised by the actions I'm about to take. Sure, that may sound confusing and contradictory, but there's no other way I can think of to describe the unbelievable feeling it is to finally realize something that was only previously a myth; something I could not possibly comprehend with my unwilling, misused brain. I am Alice looking down into the rabbit-hole, trying her hardest to imagine the most realistic outcome. Put more simply, I am about to jump into the rabbit-hole.

It's true, I find a comfort in channeling my all too random thoughts into something while maintaining a somewhat cryptic barrier. I wasn't always this defensive. I picked it up along the way. Sometimes, I may not even be aware I'm doing it. It's just a part of me now. At the same time though, I'm learning new ways to smash these very barriers down. New ways of feeling. New ways of thought.

I like where I am right now. I really do.