Polarity

One of the biggest keys to life it seems, is achieving a delicately balanced polarity. This is the fine line between logic and happiness. It is balancing on this line that is the real challenge for me in life. It's difficult to stay positive in such a negative world. It's illogical to be happy with the world today, with so much injustice and misery surrounding us. Seeing the logical side of life - we are born, we live, we die... on a large enough scale, we are completely insignificant to the universe - does not bring happiness. This world is a walking hypocrisy. A double-edged sword. A conundrum.

Why is it that the smartest people I know have to struggle with depression? Why are the rest too often ignorant and/or naive? Is it fair that I see the so-called "happy" people out there as phony and insincere?

Can it ever be possible for one to be both happy and realistic?

Today's Thought

One more reason I don't believe most people are consistant in their religious beliefs:

In death, their loved ones would be welcomed to Heaven. This is the ultimate goal. Therefore, death would be celebrated. It would be a happy time for all who truly care about the one they lost. Yet, funerals are full of mourning and sadness. Tears flow regularly.

If people truly believed in Heaven, and that their loved ones end up there, they would not see death as such a sad event.

But they do.

And that is because they don't truly believe what they claim to believe.

The Contest

When I was in the second grade, I won a school-wide contest. Students submitted ideas for our school's new motto and logo. After the judges chose their favorite entry, I received the winning prizes: a t-shirt, a bumper sticker, and some other things I can't recall these twenty-odd years later. The most interesting thing about this whole experience for me is the fact that I could never remember actually entering the contest.

At the time, I remember telling my teacher, my parents, and others that the entry wasn't mine. None of them seemed to believe me, as if they assumed I was just trying to be modest and shy about winning. The logo on my new shirt was alien to me. The scribblings of a stranger.

Was this something I unwillingly stole from another? Was it merely a case of momentary memory loss? Or did it mark the beginning of what might become a string of random blackouts in my swiss cheesed brain?

External Hard Drive

We ordered a new external 1 TB hard drive today. (Iomega Prestige 1 TB)

Total cost: $114.74.

We plan to use it to organize and backup all of our files, including the music library and games, etc. Now, in case of a system failure, everything should still be alright.

Di

I realize it's been far too long since I've written last. And when I actually have, it hasn't accurately reflected the events in my life that I should be noting. I often find myself writing when something is bothering me or gnawing at me from the inside-out.

When it comes to Dian, my life seems serene and beautiful. Since I've been with her, I've felt more at peace with myself and with my life in general. She and I were married on December 19th, 2008 - one day after her 30th birthday. We had planned it to be exactly on her birthday, but a snow storm decided against that. Still, we have an entire two-week, late December span to celebrate from now on. Her bithday, our anniversary, Christmas and New Year's... all within the same two weeks. I can't think of a better way to end our year, and begin the next, than celebrating all these things with her.

Dian is my rock; my inspiration. She's the bright light in my nocturnal world; my life raft in Waterworld. She is my one love in this existance. All cheesy analogies aside, she is everything that represents those things in this world worth saving.

What had been a huge missing piece in my life-long puzzle, has now been placed securely into the picture. And as my mind begins to wander into new teritorries here and there, just know that in the realm of relationships and romance, I couldn't be happier or more content.

[untitled]

late at night
a day-long fight
a world full of fear and fright
turn out the light
you think you might
trade in the wrong to find the right

close your eyes
cream blue skies
nobody hurts, nobody dies
we stop our fear, take back our lies
the Earth stands proud while evil cries

deep in dreams
so nice it seems
the sunshine hits like laser beams
the mountain rests, our ocean gleams
the human race at last redeems

your kind mind races
through peaceful places
young smiles cover happy faces
embracing love while hate erases
leaving misery... no traces

your eyes break free
quite suddenly
euphoria will quickly flee
is this how life was meant to be?
there's something wrong it seems to me
but as you rise, please realize imagination holds the key
we can do what we can see
harmony
prosperity
and loving for eternity
hug a baby, plant a tree
swim with dolphins, open sea

a million dreams, a million days
to love life in a million ways

Errands

We stopped by Staples to grab a Swingline Precision Pro Desk... hole-puncher thingie. It cost us $13.13.

...And then the world rejoiced.