Vessel

I often think of myself as some sort of half-empty container of love. I know I have the potential... I can feel the love stirring inside... but I don't know what to do with it. I've seemingly opted to save it all up -- but never for myself -- for some romanticized rainy day I suppose.

But what I'm finding really hard to deal with... is the fear that my time will likely end before I am able to share that love with the world.

What a waste that would be.

... What a waste that is.

Dual Voices

Despite the times they compliment your beauty, you only ever feel ugly.
Despite the times they consider you smart, you only ever feel stupid.
Despite the times they praise your talent, you only ever feel worthless.
Despite all the effort you make to get in better shape, you only ever feel fat.
Despite everything you have in common with others, you only ever feel disconnected.
Despite all the interesting things about you, you only ever feel boring.
Despite all the friends you have, you only ever feel lonely.
Despite all those who care about you, you only ever feel unloved.
Despite the times someone might want you, you only ever feel unwanted.
Despite your benevolent generosity, you only ever feel guilty.
Despite every effort you make to try and love yourself, you only ever feel self-loathing.
Despite your embracing of change and growth, you somehow know that you never will.
Despite the rivers of tears you feel like crying, your eyes are only ever dry.
Despite how often you feel overwhelmed and overloaded, you only ever feel empty.
Despite all the life you want so much to live, you only ever feel like dying.

The Fork

Our lives are merely paths towards an unknown destination.

When you come to a fork in your path, you are forced to choose. Do you go left? Do you go right? ...You can't keep going anymore on this path. You must choose now.

And so, you do the best you can to keep your head up and spirit new even though part of you is dying inside. It means you have to say goodbye to everything you are now. No matter how much you fucking loved it.

Hurt

I hurt.

I hurt you. I hurt her. I hurt her too. I hurt him. I hurt them. I hurt us... I hurt everybody.

...But most of all I hurt myself.

I hurt myself because I keep hurting all these people, and I don't know how to stop. And because I'm not smart enough to figure out how to stop, I hate myself. Because I hate myself, I will never know happiness. And because I will never know happiness, I am forced to ask the obvious, inevitable question: Would the world have been a better place if I had never been a part of it?

Automorph

How exactly is one supposed to find himself when he is constantly changing identities?

A Darkness

I think we all have a darkness behind our eyes. It's the side of ourselves we keep hidden. A side of ourselves no one else will never know about.

Each and every one of us is a mere impulse away from exploding.

An Experiment (Let's See If This Helps)

Today, I Did The Following Good Things:
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* Signed a bunch of online petitions supporting animals and the environment, etc.

* Donated $20 to NAMI in the memory of Liz.

* Played and cuddled a lot with Bowie and Lilly.

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Hmmmm, it's a start.
Perhaps I can have a much longer list tomorrow...